O Salutaris Hostia (de Pierre de la Rue)
That moment of least confidence–
That time when all I am and ought
To do or be, the competence
And hope I’d with each act besought–
I want to fold full inward, to
Hide what I fear I cannot be,
When from the dark an echo true
To angels’ voices lights on me
As though their paean, their salute,
Raised me from darkest depths so high
That all my terrors must fall mute
Or join to lift me to that sky
Where praisèd saints and holy ones
Have banished fear through angel choir
And sung as though a thousand suns
Make hearts anew with wild desire.
Art-Colored Glasses 
“to hide what I fear I cannot be…” Kathryn, have you been reading my mail? You have cast your eye and seen to the depths of our insecurities, and offered hope. Cool! 🙂
Ted, I think you know that we have much in common with our tendency to fret and feel inadequate to the moment. I’m glad if you find comfort in some of the same things I do! 🙂
How achingly beautiful! I shall read this before I walk out on stage next Sunday! May the angels’ voices and the celestial heavens protect me from screwing up by my own nerves!
May you have confidence and JOY as you perform, my dearest! I will be thinking of you and sending you all best wishes for pleasure and success in your recital. Many hugs!
Kathryn
What music was in this poetry….simply wonderful what you craft up in the written word, Kathryn. Beautiful light imagery…holy and inspirational.
I hope it will bring me some spiritual quiet for the long Sunday ahead! Thank you for your always kind words–*they* certainly calm and lighten my spirit. 🙂
No, thank you for writing such wonderful posts! I find myself returning again and again with this constant urge to read more.
“That moment of least confidence” becomes the moment we find the most grace. Lovely.
In my experience, it’s when I admit to my weaknesses that an army of angelic support in human form always seems to emerge to raise me up–you’re right: *that* is grace indeed. Must be your middle name. 🙂
xoxo
A beautiful and powerful poem. and the illustration is excellent. What a pleasure!
Thank you, as always, for your kind words, Shimon! I’d say the sketch is a good and accurate representation, hopefully of my husband’s characteristic conducting gesture in quiet moments, but very definitely of his “hairstyle” (shaved)! 🙂
I think this has to be my favorite poem thus far.. although, if pressed, I couldn’t guarantee there isn’t another one that I’ve forgotten that I love as much;) It reminds me of that perilous moment when sitting down and the first note of a concert is to be played.. oh, the terror!! I love your words of hope at the end, and especially that phrase: “And sung as though a thousand suns, Make hearts anew with wild desire.”
You, as a musician, can appreciate why I would write that during a rehearsal better than most! But I, as a non-musician, also wrote it from a personal perspective of what hope and healing and reassurance are in music for me at moments of *my* fear and sadness and anxiety. A dual blessing, I guess. 🙂
How this resonated with me, especially at this time, Kathryn!
‘I want to fold full inward, to
Hide what I fear I cannot be…’
Strange how we seek something, long for it, work hard for it, and yet somehow cannot prepare ourselves for it…but to lift our sights to ‘angels’ voices’ to know we should not let fear or doubt turn us away from our talents or purpose or possibilities.
I find this such a lovely lyrical anthem to believing in oneself!
Oh, I forgot to ‘say’ how much I love the drawing!
My sweet, I think I can understand you perfectly–I wrote this to reassure *myself* in a ‘moment of least confidence’, one that’s still a work in progress as the situation that’s still unresolved. But I think the music must be doing its job to soothe, as I’m a little less stressed at the moment, and perhaps slightly more hopeful about the eventual resolution. 🙂
I think I shall print this out and read it daily. My confidence does not like to come out that often, though I hide it well.
If it helps you, please do–and knowing that helps *me*! You should see if you can find a recording of the de la Rue piece that inspired it, too–obviously I found it wonderfully soothing and comforting.
Hello, I am trying to catch up on reading back posts of blogs didn’t find when I first started. I can only say that this poem is stunning. It is a strain of sad hopeful beauty. I love it so much! The art is wonderful too. You might see my “rose” here and there looking for more beauty to enjoy on your blog. Just ignore me!
Why would I ignore your kind visits! Thank you for reading, any time. I’m so glad when you enjoy what you find here. It doubles my pleasure in posting.
xoxo