Saturday Night Study Group
Lo, the lazy morning passes,
Finds the weary lads and lasses
Still abed, or on their asses,
Half awake and half a-snore,
‘Mid detritus of the pizza,
Hot wings, chips and other treats a
Sober student seldom eats, a-
Strewn in heaps upon the floor–
Partied late; what was it for?
Shattering the blissful quiet
Suddenly, a loud impiety
Is screamed and starts a riot
Right among the corpse-like corps:
All a-scramble, grabbing trousers,
Shirts and shoes, these late carousers
Start remembering the wowsers
Of the night they’d passed before,
Though recall was rather poor–
Finally, wakening more fully,
One of them, if somewhat dully,
Crawled across, his brain still woolly,
To fling wide the knocked-on door
And reveal the dawning horror
Come to waken every snorer,
Standing, looking faintly, more or
Less, like someone seen before–
Somehow shook him to the core–
Ay! It’s Mother stands there staring,
Arms akimbo, nostrils flaring,
Challenging his story, daring
Him amain: Explain this war!
What’s this wreckage, who these bodies
Strewn among the butts and toddies,
Some dressed only in their naughties,
Covered all in festive gore?
He stood gawping, nothing more.
In the cursèd silence stretching,
From a distance came a retching
Sound and instantly, all fetching
Up as though a manticore
Chased them out of their reclining,
They responded to this shining
Call and left the poor repining
Lad, with Mother, at the door,
Beast and trembling matador.
Dust now settling, son and mother
Gazed intently on each other,
Understood this bit of bother
Must be rectified, the score
Evened out: this was the chore.
Mother, calm now and quite cool,
Explains to him that, while in school,
Her son shall still observe the rule
Of sober thought. The lad’s encore:
Will I party? Nevermore!
(And means well, just as before.)
Art-Colored Glasses 
HAH!!!
I’ve only *heard* of such goings-on, of course. 😉
There’s nothing more scary rap rap rapping at the door than a Mother after the night before. 🙂 Enjoyed!!!!
Not that *my* mother *ever* had anything to concern her with her perfect children. 😀
Hahahahaha this is brilliant. I love the story and the wordplay. More people should read this.
So glad you enjoyed it, AJ! And of course you should be taking notes for future reference for when any small Barlows should reach, say, frat-house age. 😉
The wordplay’s wonderful, the need to haul out the dictionary (for “manticore”) was splendid and the art is just marvelous. I’m hard pressed to choose words or image, so I’ll just enjoy both!
Nothing like a good old-fashioned monster thrown in the mix when parodying Poe, I guess. Happy you enjoyed them! 🙂
“Looks like it’s the University of Illinois”, quoth Tom Cruise, nevermore…
Hahahahaha! Poor Tom: his lack of education clearly hurt his career opportunities. 😉
That world-renowned partier, Mr. E.A. Poe, would love it, too…after all, it’s what he MEANT to say in the original…
Brava, Darling. I’ve been working on a personal version of the Night Before Christmas for more than a year, and keep getting stuck (or distracted) (or both).
Oh, goody! I shall be keeping my peepers peeled for the NBC variation. 😀
fabulous!
Thank you, my dear!
Kathryn, this is delightful. I shall never read Poe the same again. 🙂
Gracious, I feel remarkably Poe-etic. I hope there’s no harm done! 😉
Such poetry out of such chaos!
‘Lad, with Mother, at the door,
Beast and trembling matador.”
…just one of many memorable lines.
(If I show this to my mom. I’m sure she’ll realize how lucky she was … )
Seems to me it’s a very good thing indeed for both kids and parents that the parents don’t know half of what goes on, at least until very much later!!! 🙂