I never made a secret of being less-than-optimally mature and having an imagination that makes Attention Deficit look laser focused. Let’s be honest, keeping that reality quiet was a non-starter idea anyway; that particular cat shot right out of the bag before I even escaped my own play-pen, and, well, I was an early climber.
And speaking of climbing, I was a social climber from the beginning. I kinda think I’m better than I probably actually am, if you take my meaning. No, I never gave a serious fig for name-dropping (though, boy-howdy, the stories I could tell you!) or for impressing people with my associations with prestige. Not only do I find overt fawning generally an embarrassment except between actual friends, I’ve always been too poor, too cheap, or both when it came to buying Name merchandise. Not to mention that I think rich retailers should pay me to advertise their products, not vice-versa, and so on those rare occasions when object-lust converged with mega-sale, I am the person who instantly took said objet home and blacked out the corporate logo or sat and snipped it off the clothing, stitch by stitch.
All of this information is not as off-topic as you might think. My theme, you see, is that I think pretty highly of myself just as-is. Now, no doubt there are those detractors that might hasten to add that “it’s a dirty job but somebody’s gotta do it.” I’ll leave them to fester in their own frightful fallacies. If indeed my fine self image is problematic, there might be some other persons fit to share a portion of the blame with me: parents who subscribed to that bizarre notion, unconditional love; teachers (not counting my third grade ogress) who actually taught and encouraged me. Family and friends, too, who still unfailingly clothe me in the cape-and-tights raiment of someone admittedly far better than I am but for whom I am quite willing to be mistaken while I’m yet busily aspiring to become them.
Meanwhile, I can tell you that I’ve always had a pretty good sense of this being surrounded by earthly and supernal cheerleaders to assist and enhance my sense of personal privilege and well-being in the world. It keeps me on a relatively even keel.
Now, if you happened to be on board here when I’ve previously mentioned coping with anxiety, clinical depression, phobias (yes, I’m a veteran of all of those), nerd-hood, weirdness and being 17 (I’ve survived all of those too), it should be as obvious as the strings carrying Ed Wood’s flying saucers that I am neither perfect nor so deluded as to think myself so, let alone be immune to self-doubt and those temporary bouts of dis-ease that rate various positions on the inadequate-to-self-loathing slide rule.
But thanks to this even more deeply ingrained, however fanciful, liking of myself, I have always eventually recovered and returned to my standard state of cheery self-hugging enthusiasm. I think I’m a little like those boxers’ training dummies, taking a righteous smack to the schnoz from time to time that floors me, but always eventually sproinging back upright with my vapid but genuine grin on my face, just happy to be here. Because, by golly, I really do think I’m kind of swell.
Art-Colored Glasses 
Nicely said. Generosity and forgiveness for all, including ourselves. How else can we open the door of the heart and invite others in? Self-loathing always locks the door. I’m glad your door is open. And I am delighted to hear that you have taken the time to remove logos from clothing. I have done that tedious but necessary work myself.
When I do my *own* designer line, I’ll keep my lousy logo to myself and let all of us have pretty stuff that’s just, well, pretty stuff! In the meantime, it makes me feel more confident, strangely, in my high self esteem, to eschew letting others Label me! 🙂
And by the way, your writing knocks me out, but not in the boxing-dummy way, just the one that knocks on the heart’s door in the most friendly and neighborly fashion! 😀
Pleased to read that you have a sense of being surrounded by cheerleaders and very glad to hear that you have ‘bouncebackability’. I wish I had a fraction of your imagination.
Don’t sell yourself short: you are one *very* imaginative and creative lady; it’s all over your blog even if you don’t always spot it in your mirror. You inspire the imagination in many others, as well, which is no small gift! But I still thank you for the gracious words. Hope you’re having a fine weekend, my dear.
In the end, ’tis the sproinging back up that makes all the difference. Rah! rah! Your imagination is superb.
I’m just glad I’ve gotten to add fabulous *genuine* people like you to my roster of fantastic imaginary friends! 😉
“Because, by golly, I really do think I’m kind of swell.”
No question about it! Love you!
You do know, of course, that you must count yourself among the family members I’ve ‘outed’ above for over-encouraging me in this!!
Love you oodles right back!
K Ingrid
I’m a label-remover, too. I’ve yet to come across anything beautiful or elegant that was made more so by a corporate logo. There are better ways to find your tribe than displaying stores-in-common. Also? I love the boxer’s training dummies analogy. Love it! I’m going to think of that the next time life tries to knock me back down. Sproing!
Do you think we could start a new school of self-defense discipline to coexist with all of the fine dojos out there, to teach the practice of Sproinging? I kind of like the sound of it. 😀
Nicely done! Thank you for sharing!
I learn all the time from inspiring people like you, you know! 🙂
Great post. I very much enjoyed reading it :-] Thank you for sharing!
So glad to have great friends with whom to share my playful oddities!!
You are swell, no doubt about it 🙂
As are you, Anyes, as are you. 🙂
I love it! Someone else who has Invisible Cheerleaders! I don’t feel *quite* so odd, now…
Funny story about logos: Hubby has a lovely watch that was made for his Grandmother at a Swank NY Jeweller back in the ’30’s…some years ago (before me) he took it in to them to be repaired. The Young Thing a tthe counter insisted there was No Way it was theirs, because their Name wasn’t plastered all over the watch face. He convinced her to take it into the back anyway. Not 5 minutes later, a wizened old man came dashing out, shouting, “Who has done this to MY watch!” He was the original watchmaker, and remembered it clearly – because the client had insisted on NO LOGO!
Ironically, THAT is a craftsman with whose name I’d be proud to associate! 😉 But I respect all the more that he was willing to accede to the no-tagging request. Cool!
Damn right you’re swell — and never suffer anyone who would tell you otherwise! I couldn’t agree more about getting paid to be some corporation’s advert. I once angered a car dealership when my new car arrived with a decal on its bumper containing the dealership’s name. Either they pay me for it, get rid of it, or get me a new car with only “the options I ordered.” I quickly became known throughout the dealership as “That guy … “. But my car didn’t sport a decal!
Good on you for that!!! The more of us that stand up for our right to be Just Ourselves, the better our chances of not having to fight for it at every turn.
This attitude obviously proves that you are Swell as Hell yourself, if you’ll pardon my Norwegian!
Kathryn
Hear! Here!
I’m glad you’re here, you hear?!
You leave me positively speechless, Miss Kathryn, though I am wondering if, since you had a 3rd grade ogress too, we might have both experienced the inimitable Mrs. Cotrell???
Mine was Mrs. Finley. How much you wanna bet they were twins (you know, the evil twin and, um, the evil twin)? 😉
I think you may be correct. After all, they DO share a first name: MRS!!!!
Hope for the best, be prepared for the worst. Keep your chin up, stand up straight, and believe in yourself. Even if you don’t believe in yourself. Or, as my friend has told me, “fake it ’till you make it.” I think we all have more cheerleaders than we know, and we should be our own number 1!
Exactly so, Laine! 🙂