Another Day in the Life of a Dead Person

Today I saw a televised ad encouraging persons who had experienced negative results from using a particular medical treatment to come forward and be represented in a class action suit by the law firm posting the advertisement. The advert had the usual tangle of legal terms sprinkled among references to the undesirable outcomes various patients had experienced, as this  sort of campaign usually does, but somebody in the TV production department seems to have had his or her own unintended grammatical consequences, because the last frame of text that appeared on the TV screen exhorted victims “If you have used this product and experienced injury, stroke, heart attack, or death, please call now,” and gave a toll-free telephone number.

I wonder what the protocol is for operators being contacted by any plaintiffs in the latter category, and whether, if any said operator should in turn have a stroke or heart attack or just die from the shock, that too would be legally admissible as a result of the faulty medication, however indirectly. Might set off quite the cycle of problems, though the more it filled coffins, the more it would presumably also fill the lawyers’ coffers.

No matter. Surely everybody needs a little understanding now and then for not responding as the inviting party might wish on every occasion, no matter how enticing the invitations might be. After all, I’d imagine it can be difficult to be perfectly socially correct when one has already kicked the bucket. Just saying.Photo + text: Pardon Me If I Don't Get Up

Text: Regrets Only

10 thoughts on “Another Day in the Life of a Dead Person

    • You’d be amazed at how many epitaphs and eulogies (of the silly kind, of course) I have stacked up in wait, considering how unwilling I am to need any of them any time soon…. 😉

  1. Those commercials have always amused and annoyed me, in pretty much equal measure, especially when they refer to the dead as potential clients. I sometimes even find myself muttering under my breath towards the television, which makes about as much sense as exhorting that the dead should jot down that 800 number now, before it’s too late. The world in which we live can be rather disappointing sometimes. Truly. 🙂

  2. this is great, I think the same thing every time I see one of those commercials, “if this med has killed you, please call this number” how stupid. Class actions suits 99% of the time only benefit attorneys, they get a third of the settlement and all the victims get 5 bucks! I just received a check in the mail as settlement of a class action suit against AT&T. it settled for over 100 million dollars and my share? get ready, this was exciting…. 68 cents!! Now I can retire 🙂 I love your writing and sense of humor!

    • Wow. I will definitely be hitting you up for a major loan from that kind of personal fortune!!! *Somewhere* there are some fat cats sitting back and enjoying the $100M, but it sure isn’t among the people who were actually wronged by the corporate stunt in question. Capitalism is only as good as the consciences of its practitioners, clearly. 😉 So delighted you got a kick out of the post! Kathryn

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