There are so many ways that we crave and try to wield power, we mortal beings. We think we’re in charge of our own lives, if nothing else. We are wrong.

Our short trip to Portland from Thursday through this morning provided me with a fine refresher course in this form of necessary humility. While our house is in utter disarray during our move to an apartment and our lives in mild chaos during a busy fall season of school, concerts, travel, and conferences, I am about as far from in control of my own little existence as I am from running the world. I did my very worst job of packing, for Portland, that I think I’ve done since somewhere around the age of four. If my parents were dumb enough to let me help pack my luggage then.

So I arrived in Oregon without several of my simplest toiletries, one pair of socks short of the full trip’s worth, and sans laptop power cord. Hence, my first series of several days without daily blog posts in nearly four and a half years. And I must tell you that I was plenty irritated with myself, and mightily disappointed to break the string of consecutive posts so unwittingly, if not witlessly. But you know, the earth did not cease to rotate on its axis. The rain and sun still did their little minuets, people still talked to me as if they genuinely liked doing so, and music still sounded magnificent and more than a little miraculous.

Because it’s not my power cord that connects me to the universe, and it’s most certainly not my power that connects the rest of the universe together. I can’t fix what’s wrong in the world, not by a million miles, but I am not the source of any of its strengths or its life force, let alone its myriad joys. I’m just the lucky participant and recipient, who (when the power is plugged in) gets to report on my view of it all. I’m happy to be back online, but I am reminded that the very best of what I enjoy in my remarkably blessed existence is not born of my own merit or power, and not even remotely connected to whether I’m plugged in or not, figuratively or literally. I’m just plain glad to be here.

Photo: Out of Gas

Yep, I ran out of gas. But I reminded myself, however inadvertently, that it takes letting go of my driven need for power, sometimes, to refuel my spirit.

3 thoughts on “Powerless

  1. Good morning Kathryn – an excellent post to begin this week. This is something we all need to remind ourselves of on a daily basis….we have no control….which is why I believe the only way to move through this wonderful life is to do it one small step at a time, one moment at a time. In my own experience, when I have let go and relinquished what I thought was control….then things seemed to work very well….which I always found quite amusing and and as you say a good course in humility. Have a lovely day …Janet. xxx

    • Considering the quantities of To Do on the lists, and the to-do that doing them causes, it’s actually going pretty well here. All the more reason to slow down and make fewer mistakes caused by inattentive over-tiredness—said the person with yesterday’s swollen cut on her middle finger, which I *will* refrain from using as an excuse to leave it extended in an un-ladylike fashion. 😉 Everybody we’re dealing with on the business end of things both for the house and work-related activities has been tremendously supportive and helpful and just plain kind, so I know we’ll get through closer to unscathed than most! Thanks, always, for the kind wishes, and the loan of the hummingbirds!

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