In Which I Wish for 20/20 Vision in 2020

I am longing for glimpses of civility.
“Let the Wookiee win” is an amusingly pragmatic solution on film, but in real life, how do I deal—especially in the immediate setting of daily life—with someone who begins from a presumptively inarguable, nay, an aggressive and adversarial, stance? From Those Who Know Best, people who are convinced of the legal, logical, or even moral rectitude of their positions, any contrary or even slightly variant ideas and approaches are inherently impossible. A challenge to an atom of it is an act of war on the whole.
In these situations, all communications, responses, and interactions are, from the outset, likely to occur in the form of avoidance, delays, dismissive patronizing, and bait-and-switch tactics, and are nearly always adamantly declared someone else’s choice, fault, and sinister plot. Rather than moderating over time, those with such attitudes tend to move only further toward insults, bullying, and threats of legal or even violent action. There is no possibility of reasoned discussion or compromise; only 100% I-win-you-lose is the acceptable outcome.
Sure, easy to say just don’t go near those guys. But that’s the voice of people who have experience and/or foreknowledge, not to mention alternatives.
We’ve been dealing with this kind of extremism and incivility on every level in the current world social climate, but it almost seems we’ve become so accustomed, if not inured, to it that it’s only when such attitudes and behaviors fester to the surface in our own bubbles of daily life that we return to the painful task of making sense out of this pernicious non-sense. Yelling louder doesn’t fix anything. Threatening worse and hitting harder might force the weaker of us back into the corner for a while, but what then?
Really: I’m asking. Because what’s become clear is that every one of us touched by the toxins of such attitudes tends to become poisonous, too. It seems easy to tell when somebody else is being unreasonable, intractable. Crazy, even! But if the response is to simply dig in, shore up, and become more convinced of our own rightness, even to the point of cherry-picking information and sources of it to back our own claims, aren’t we all just becoming equally crazy in our own extremism?
My head’s spinning. I’m hungry, thirsty, desperate. For moments of silence, of kindness. Space in which there’s no need for chosen sides or declared allegiances or power plays. I’m looking out toward the great distances of space and looking for a star that lights the way to greater warmth and wisdom than I’m sensing under our own sun right now.
All that’s certain is that I had better figure out how to re-civilize myself or I won’t even recognize civility anymore when I do see it in anyone else.
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5 thoughts on “In Which I Wish for 20/20 Vision in 2020

  1. Well said. I’m not even sure how to comment, Kathryn. All I know is what is going on hurts. And I’m so weary from the ranting and yelling and lies. It’s why I rarely get off of this place and why I’m more prone to spending time in nature.

    • So grateful to know that there are still a strong community of us who, no matter how widely, wildly divergent our views and beliefs and dreams may be, do realize that our connections and commonalities matter far more than anything that would seem to separate us. I keep you in my heart, my lovely friend!

      And now that we’re back Home in the PNW and see our local black-tailed deer and Roosevelt elk on a very regular basis, you know that I think of you with every sighting! I’m relishing the return in numbers of bald eagles, too, even though I know their dominance puts pressure on my other favorite area raptors—at least I am still seeing the latter in large numbers, too, even if it’s because the added competition forces them out into the open more visibly. And all of this is a strong reminder, if I needed any, of the interdependence of all of us living critters and the importance of our recognizing what an impact even our own small lives have on others’: might as well make the impact as kind and positive as possible!

      Sending big hugs your way!
      K

  2. Thanks for caring and reminding us of the value of civility and compassion. I too am tired of the divisive positions and posturing. We no longer seem capable of having real discussions and holding alternative viewpoints without making people our enemy. Welcome back Kathryn.

    • Thanks for being here, my friend! So glad to reconnect with people who not only ‘get it’ but Live it very intentionally and gracefully. I hope that the presence of such determinedly kind and communal attitudes experiences a powerful enough surge in response to the harsh social environment we’ve been fostering in recent times that we can turn things around toward more healthy and peaceful and joyful living for all! For my part, it’s grand to reconnect with people like you and D (Little Sundog) who remind me regularly of the many good and lovely things in our existence right in the here and now!

      Hugs,
      K

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