All it should take is a small glimpse of the undesirable alternatives to remind me, if I’m ever so forgetful, of how fortunate I am.
This morning I had many such reminders on the Sunday commute. It’s been very rainy, a generally fine thing given its kindly relief of and recovery from last year’s drought, but of course never quite so gentle to travelers on the road. As we leave fairly early Sunday mornings to head south, and last night was the semi-annual celebration of tiresome Spring clock-changing, it was utterly dark when we got underway. Unfortunately, and quite predictably really, the first substantial appearance of light before us was not dawn (a grey and undifferentiated one, to be sure) but a veritable wall of red taillights as we came upon the first roadblock. It turned out to be a literal one: a five-car smashup that closed the entire freeway for nearly twenty minutes yet after our arrival on the scene until we were all able to squeeze past it and all of its companion emergency vehicles on the shoulder of the road and restart our journey.
But as much as I dislike sitting still in traffic on the road, I spent the time not just watching the taillights ahead–at least, when engines were turned back on–for any sign of movement but also contemplating how much I appreciated not being just those few minutes earlier when we’d likely have been caught in the midst of the pileup, and all the more so when we saw those crumpled cars and trucks, the flashing emergency lights, the officials in their uniforms scurrying to aid and comfort those still on the scene, and the debris strewn across three lanes and more. It was no surprise to see remnants of at least two more accidents, these not blocking traffic on our side of the freeway but also evidently serious enough to require tow trucks, aid cars and police, before we got to our destination. At every point, a good chance to send up silent wishes for the welfare of all who suffered or served at those points of departure from the planned sojourn of the day.
My little forays for annual medical updates in the last couple of weeks were another fine mnemonic, if I needed one, for how blessed my life is. There I sit, potentially fidgety as I wait for an appointment that, like many, is delayed by overbooking and under-staffing, no matter how well the good folk at my doctor’s office generally try to plan, and look around at people who are obviously less well and far more needy than I am and think, my life is so easy. And I came out of all of it with pretty cheering news.
I was most acutely aware of this, as I said the other day, because while I was just getting a pretty basic exam and gentle inquisition updating my physician’s information about my habits, health and happiness, my mother was lying on an operating table with her spine sliced open for nearly seven hours while her surgeons worked to correct and stabilize her spine. I am incredibly glad to tell you that the preliminary reports following her surgery are good: her doctors are satisfied that they did all of the good things they could do for her (including returning yet a bit more of the five or so inches of height she’d lost over the last several years of her back’s deterioration), and despite the inevitably terrible post-surgical pain, she actually stood upright a mere twenty-four hours after the operation. At that, the second surgery in two weeks, which in my estimation is the equivalent of her being run over by the same freight train twice in a row. The road ahead to full recovery, whatever that will be, is bound to be long and arduous–but it appears to be an open road, and one she is alive and able to take, after some years of wondering whether anything good lay ahead.
Mom is a much tougher character than most people would ever guess.
And once more, I am humbled to look at all that she’s been through and think how glad I am that I have never suffered like that, and that I have a doctor who, when I told him that Mama was ‘under the knife’ for spine repairs at the moment of my simple wellness exam with him, had no hesitation in saying that yes, maybe at 51 and with a mother in that situation, I should get his referral for a bone density check now. To know that my own struggles, whatever they seem to be in the moment, are tiny and petty in the relative scheme of things and that I am very happy to live in such a brightly illuminated place of grace and good hope.
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words about Mom’s health progress. I know she will appreciate it immensely when she’s well enough to sit up comfortably surfing a blog–or doing pretty much anything besides just working on healing. For now, it’s a comfort to the rest of us, and a perfect reminder that I have a great life.
Art-Colored Glasses 
I’m so relieved your mom is through the surgery.. now she has begun the road to recovery. Sending her prayers and hugs.. sending you some as well, it must be difficult to know your mom is suffering. I’d heard on the news that the morning after daylight savings time has the most accidents.. lack of sleep and the darkness are to blame. I am so glad you weren’t earlier and a part of the smash-up! xo Smidge
Thank you, Smidge, we are both mighty grateful too, to not be among the crumpled crew. Especially after our close encounter with road debris not so long ago! I hope we’re done with the need for escape for a good while now, but so happy to be on this side of the equation. Hoping that Mama is working her way up into similarly ‘rescued’ territory. I shall call soon for today’s report. Of course, at this point every hour *without* a call is probably a no-news-is-good-news sort of thing. 🙂
Oh Kathryn that is good news about your mum, that sounds like incredibly invasive and intensive surgery. I can see where you get some of your own resilience!
Yes, just the idea that they had to split the operation into two separate sessions like that was impressively scary, let alone to be the one undergoing the two surgeries. Yesterday’s news was very encouraging, and when I called Mama was actually sitting up and being served a meal and spoke to me in a fairly strong voice (not the tiny breathy one of the last number of months) herself, despite the expected post-surgical pain. I will call for the update shortly. Any resilience *I* can claim is generally dependent on hearing good news from the rest of the family, but it’s working at the moment. 🙂 Thank you for your kindness, Claire!
Sounds like you’re in a Good Place today…thanks for bringing the rest of us into it.
Glad to hear your Mom is doing well. My mother and grandmother both have bone-loss issues, and Nana had a similar surgery several years ago. Your mother’s attitude is better than hers was, and I’m sure her healing will be swift.
Safe journey back North this evening!
Thank you, my sweet, I’m looking forward to a pretty, all-women’s-voices Evensong today (Herbert Howells literature, one of my favorite composers for sheer choral/vocal beauty) followed by a completely uneventful trip home!!
Yes, Mom has been an amazing trouper. Dad, too, for that matter, catering to her needs and keeping her company throughout. And Mom’s sister Ingrid (my namesake aunt) has been a true guardian angel for them both throughout this process, monitoring Mom’s meds and assisting her with all of her personal grooming and prep and staying at both their place and the hospital as needed–Ingrid used to be a pharmaceutical rep and then was Granny and Gramps’s caregiver and *then* ran a licensed daycare for years. And we’re all deeply impressed with Mom’s surgical and physio rehab team. So we are surrounded by loving care more than most. Another reason to know how fortunate we are!
xoxo
Kathryn
Kathryn, I’m glad to hear your mom is ok and doing fine. I hope recovery will be quick and gentle and most importantly as painfree as possible. I know those moments that enlighten once again how precious life actually is and that we don’t worship that thought as much as we should do – mostly due to our busy schedules bust also because we simply tend to forget it every now and then. Your writing really captivated this moment, loved reading it. Take care.
Thank you, Nikkie, I think you know as well as anybody how long and frustrating the healing and rehab processes can be! As of last night’s report, Mom’s been moved out of the ICU and been up walking a couple of times already. I do hope the pain will diminish quickly–she had so much of it *before* the surgery I hate to see her have to deal with it after too, even though it’s quite understandable! I hope you’re doing wonderfully these days–must get over to your place for a long-awaited visit soon. 🙂 Hugs!
Very pleased to hear your mum is ok and I hope her recovery is an easy one! My thoughts are with you ~
Many thanks, Jesse, it means a great deal to know we’re all surrounded by support and care.
I hope she gets better soon!
Thank you, dear Terri, the work of becoming healthy (and taller again!) has begun in earnest. I imagine it will seem interminable to Mama, but hope it will be thorough recovery all the same.
So good to hear of your mother’s progress and of your grateful and positive perspective on life’s events.
I know so many of my good friends haven’t even got both parents still with them to worry over, so even for this I know I’m fortunate! Thank you for your always gracious words, Bella.
Such a beautiful photo to begin your post today, Kathryn! I’m glad to learn that your Mother’s doing so well. You must be relieved. Having undergone spinal surgery almost 8 years ago, I fully appreciate how difficult these first weeks following surgery can be. I, also, know that it gets much, much better, remarkably so. Hang in there. That really is a light at the end of the tunnel. Promise!
Yes, my dear, I know you’re right. Since Mama undoubtedly already feels like she’s been hit by a train, at least I hope she won’t worry that the light is another oncoming! The latest reports indicate that despite the post-surgical slowness and agony she’s able to be moving and upright when not ‘sleeping it off’. That’s definitely good news for starters.
The photo up-a-top is from the road to Mom’s parents’ house, where I lived for a couple of years post-college and paused to snap a picture of those beautiful rays on the way to work one morning. (So yes, it’s an ‘antique’ photograph! 🙂 )
So glad to hear that your mother got through the first surgery so well. I appreciate your gentle reminders to us to be grateful for all the good things that we have.
That first photo is stunning.
Lucky shot, that–I told John (above) about catching the rays, literally.
As for Mom, yes, we are all grateful indeed. Today’s report sounds like she’s continuing on the upward trajectory pretty speedily by her doctors’ estimation, even if it feels interminable to the one feeling so trampled! Hooray for fortitude and good drugs. 🙂 I hear she’s been brought good doses of chocolate by Dad, too, which is undoubtedly the Miracle Drug among them!!
After a period of time in which life was so intense, that there was no opportunity for pleasure reading, I have now come across this post, and it has brought good thoughts. How wonderful, that you are able to search out the good, and see the positive in life, and be grateful for what you have. I think such characteristics are so important in the ability to enjoy this experience of life… and I still wonder whether such things are inherited or a matter of choice. I have great faith in choice… even when we’ve inherited a bad set of tools, or been kicked around a bit… choice is the most noble thing about the human being… thank you for a beautiful post.
I am glad you’ve had a moment of peace for pleasure reading again–how far the challenges of life can pull us away from our intended courses sometimes! But I agree with you; I believe strongly in the power of choice when we are finding our ways, both towards purpose and towards happiness. I’ve known some people whom I see as great champions of that art, being dealt some extremely hard blows in their lives but always bending that supposed fate with whatever force they have toward betterment.
How good to hear your mother is recovering well and blessings for her continued healing!
This post about gratefulness is very nice, Kathryn, and a reminder for me to count my blessings, which are many.
Thank you, dear Bardess. Mama’s been told she might get to go home from hospital today, which is pretty amazing one mere week after Surgery #2 in this round. A truly great blessing indeed! 🙂
That’s wonderful news!
It’s wonderful to hear your mother is making a good, swift recovery! 🙂 My thoughts go out to her.
I think those moments where you stop and take a step out of all the busy day-to-day, and go “you know what? I’ve got it really good here,” are magical.
So right!