In honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day, I humbly make my contribution:
(and If You Ain’t Got Both of Yourn, Git Along Up There Anyhow!)
spectacularly scare-ulous, with too much time to spare;
That’s when the day gets dicier, the swordplay sharply spicier,
and nastily not-nicier linguistics fill the air,
For pirates, though a jolly sort, think keelhauling the keenest sport,
and he with his Hook-fist henchmen nears, for they are risk-fraught friends
Who’ll trim the hedges about your garden without so much as a beg-yer-pardon,
then trim you to size without regardin’ your nat’ral breadth or height;
So parley with care, and watch your purses, as well as the strength of your pirate curses,
or fall beyond reach of the leech‘s nurses ere day drops into night.
All this aside, and despite the urge a pirate may feel as a dramaturg,
he might invite you to join the surge toward a pleasanter thing to do:
Join with his crew, ye smirkin’ smarty, drink and be merry and join the party,
and dance and laugh like a loon most hearty, and talk like a pirate too!