An Appreciation of Weirdlyositudinousness

photo

Just so's you know . . .

Regardless of my plot to reinvent the universe according to my own freaky whims when it comes to drawing and other arts, I must point out to you that I am well aware of how much strange and seemingly impossible stuff actually exists in this humble earthly plane of ours. You can’t go far without bumping into a whole stream of rather psychedelic objects, creatures and characters that are, surprisingly enough, naturally occurring right here in this very galaxy. Texans, for example. Just kidding! Sort of. Having become one of those myself, I think I can say with some confidence that there are plenty of highly distinctive and possibly counterintuitive variations on the human beast alone in this great state.

But only truly exceptional people merit the title of seriously weird (for good or ill) in the way that the beasts of the earth, air and seas are sometimes able to do. I mean, let’s just think about the platypus, the blobfish, or the echidna, for example. Really? For what grand purpose were these wonderfully eccentric creatures essential? I’m unclear on what special niche any of them fills in the universal order of things, but their very seeming uselessness only adds to the charm. We don’t have to have a higher meaning in the galaxy?? YAY! I’m off the hook for that one, anyway. And yes, I do happen to think myself a shade more [potentially] useful in the overall scheme of things than a banana slug or a star-nosed mole. I realize that that’s strictly egotism on my part, but it gets me out of bed in the morning.

All I’m really saying is that if I happen to be on an invention bender with my artwork for any reason and the invention gears are getting a little less willing for a moment, I need look no further than to the amplitude of Mother Nature‘s treasury to find real-life inspirations. Not that I won’t still impose my own mutations and deviations on them when it comes to using any real-life sources as well. After all, I am ruler and creator in my own tiny universe as artist, so I believe I’m allowed that slack. Whether drawing or painting or photographing, let alone making my images verbally, I am happy to have the freedom to make what I want to make, and then make it do what I want it to do.

Since I can’t make it rain in north Texas merely by wishing it so, can’t make my bank account suddenly burst at the seams with excess inventory or make myself into The Grooviest Woman in the World by mere force of desire, why then I will impose my invention on the world of my imagery and exert my power there. ‘Least until I can come up with a way to get that other stuff going.

digital photocollage

Let's see, what shall I do in my personal universe today?

An Ounce of Invention is Worth a Pound of Manure

graphite drawing

When you can't BS your way through it, try coming up with a real idea!

Silence is only golden when it’s wanted. If I’m intending or needing to produce words and images, I am none too pleased if they refuse to come to me. You know how irritated I get with my uncooperative vocal cords when I’d like to have a nice ordinary conversation without struggle. Sometimes I’m far worse, though, about being reasonable and patient when it’s the written word that refuses to come out of the starting blocks. Neurological recalcitrance I can blame on some biological bad fairy, but it feels much  more like a personal failure when it’s intellectual drag that keeps me from the productivity I desire. Brain, get up and go!

Drawing combines the two potential frustrators in a perfectly imperfect storm of madness: both brain and body are refusing to cooperate in my scheme to produce. Internal hissy fits ensue. I know enough not to dissolve in a pool of weepy self-pity since it solves nothing and tends merely to make one look more than a little ridiculous and immature, and yea verily, I need no advancement in that department. Getting mad is equally unproductive. Nothing’s fixed. The only cure is to plod forward, idea-less, until a useful thing deigns to appear in my cranium or at my fingertips again.

Last week’s drawing session was a good time to revisit the simplest of basics at all levels as a starting point in my latest campaign for artistic growth. But I’m thinking this week that what I also crave is improvement of my imaginative muscles so that when I flex them in exercise I needn’t always fall back on the expected standard fare to get something to appear. If I must, I will resort to baloney or bluffing to get me through, but is it not very much more amusing, and even fulfilling, to be able to think up something I’ve never thunk before?

My way of getting that muscle at least poised to flex is to tell myself it’s time to make a picture of something no one’s seen before. Me, especially. The easiest way to do that is to invent new objects, scenes and creatures. Often it’s enough to make my own version of recombinant DNA or mutations or contraptions out of almost real parts assembled strangely and unexpectedly. The animals must be unlike any I’ve seen in real life or on film or in a zoological tome; more than that, they should be visibly ill-conceived enough that they would instantly become extinct, if real, for clearly failing to meet any evolutionary standard. The machines should be contraptions with no obvious possible use; more than that, they should appear to be made to produce ill-designed crud and, probably, life-threatening injuries upon anyone foolish enough to attempt operating them.

At least on paper, the only serious threat any of them poses is to my dignity or, at worst, to the sensitive good taste of hapless viewers seeing them without warning. If any one of you has received a poke in the eye today by visiting my blog, my apologies. Though I’m not really very good at being penitent, odd bird that I am.

I leave you with the Edmontonian Contraption, designed during a Pro Coro rehearsal sometime last spring. Fortunately, the choir sang ever so much better than this item will ever run.

graphite drawing

At least it could probably make a good sound if used as a sort of aeolian instrument . . . maybe . . .

Foodie Tuesday: Currying Favor

graphite drawing

Everybody's curry is a unique and distinctive creature; the joy of curry is in its endless possibilities and the multi-layered adventure of its making and eating . . .

The request was in last evening: curry for dinner today. It’s perfectly understandable to me why so many people in so many cultures have embraced so many versions of this wildly versatile and varied ‘something-in-a-sauce’ meal, centered on a highly personalized and customized blend of spices. I’m pretty sure I’ve never met a curry I didn’t like, from spicy vegetarian to earthy goat to sweet prawn or fruited chicken. I like curries as soups, with bread or noodles or rice, or as lashings of a more restrained saucing version over nearly any tasty food, sweet or savory or both.

I make the world’s easiest and most flexible version of a curry meal, because I’m notorious for never being able to do the same thing the same way twice, and because of my equally well-known laziness. Our household version is pretty bulletproof. Two ingredients: masala and coconut milk. Throw together in a pot and simmer and mellow the sauce until it’s ready, adding whatever I see fit to combine for the day’s version of goodness. It’s handy that a curry concoction can easily be assembled on the fly, using what’s available in pantry and fridge, if (as today) the rest of the day gets a bit cluttered with Doings. There’s not much food that doesn’t play nicely with curry if given half a chance.

The heart and soul of any curry is the masala, the spice blend, and there are countless good pre-made versions on the market. I’m fortunate to have a grand recipe I can whizz up myself, thanks to the good kitchen sense and generosity of my parents’ late friend Q (who really did go by his first initial). The curry powder recipe he shared with us is one of those that requires a fairly lengthy list of spices, some a little less easily found in the average grocery but all well worth the hunt. Once you’ve laid hands on all the ingredients, all you really have to do is grind them together (I use a dedicated little coffee grinder), and you get about a cup and a half of pure 24k turmeric-colored gold.

photo

Q's famous Kincurry--hide your stash when the foodie marauders head into the kitchen!

This is a sweet curry base–it takes a fair quantity to get it hot-spicy, though it can be about as spicy as you want to make it with that sort of adjustment. It goes mighty well with any meat or seafood or vegetable goodness, and is plenty tasty with sweeter things, from fruits to desserts, too. And it stains like boy-howdy, but hey, a good curry is certainly worth losing a good shirt over, if it comes to that.

The drill around my stove is: mix a copious amount of good coconut milk with however much of my precious curry masala I’m in the mood to use, and let it steep for as long as I wish with whatever I’m hungry to add. I am, by the way, fussy about the coconut milk, but not in the way you might think. While I have great admiration for those dedicated folk who make their own exquisitely crafted coconutty deliciousness by bisecting a fresh coconut and processing its innards carefully into perfect homemade coconut milk, I find there are plenty of things I’m quite content to let others fuss over to make my kitchen time easier, thank you very much. My prejudice is for a particular brand of canned coconut milk (nope, I’m not a paid promoter), Chaokoh. Ever since my Thai college roommate introduced me to this elixir I’ve found no other that compared. And yes, folks, I use it straight and undiluted from the tin. If you think your need for “good fats” doesn’t include this indulgence, I think you’re wrong. But go ahead and cheat yourself if you must. The only way I’ve been known to adulterate the stuff in the way of ‘thinning’ it is with homemade chicken broth. Which I do skim, but geez, if you take all of the schmalz out of it you take too away many of the good fats and nutrients, not to mention any genuine Jewish Penicillin in there.

Meanwhile, back at the cooker, there’s a saucy slurry just waiting for everybody to get in the hot tub. Today it was sliced celery, roughly chopped red capsicum, brown mushrooms, and cubed chicken breast and beefsteak, all having been browned first in the cast iron skillet with plenty of ghee, then deglazed with just enough water to grab all of that fabulous fond before diving together into the waiting curry. I didn’t have a lot of time to let it brew today because of the afternoon’s appointments and chores elsewhere, so I had let the coconut milk-curry masala hang about together over low heat beforehand and hoped the quick browning of the solids with a little grey salt and black pepper would bring enough caramelized nuance to the party that the quick coming together would suffice. All of that got scooped onto brown buttered Basmati rice at the table and finished with however much anybody wanted of sliced almonds and a batch of sweetened shredded coconut I’d toasted this afternoon with lots of sesame seeds and a little ground cardamom.

photo with wooden spoon

Sweet garniture . . .

I do like the simplicity of a one-dish meal, even if it’s got a few side components in the way of toppings and pickles and chutneys and garnishes and assorted whatnots. I don’t think anyone left the table starved. Just to be safe I did pass around a few homemade chocolate nut truffles for dessert. I make them in a very homely knife-cut style, but I think of them as the proverbial Smart Girl in the Class: maybe not as universally popular for her unconventional looks as the stereotypical hottie cheerleaders, but wins out on brains and talent and outstanding sense of humor every time. We geeky girls do have our ways. I’m going to assume that our houseguest’s cheerful accusation that I’m a temptress says that dinner went okay, anyway. It sure wasn’t the t-shirt, jeans and mules I potted around in for a weekday of work and errands that inspired the remark. Yup, must be the curry talking!

Perhaps this will Ring a Bell

graphite drawing

Perhaps if you've stood near the cathedral in Uppsala . . .

Yesterday I spent the whole day at church. No, I’m not nearly that dedicatedly religious–I’ll leave that to the clergy and others far more willing and capable–but since my husband conducts choirs at that church and they sang (a lot) at three services between 9 a.m. and 7 p.m. yesterday and I like to hear his choirs when I can, not to mention keeping a hard-working guy company through a long day . . . well, we both spent the whole day at church. Except for a lunch break, I mean.

There were reasons besides the music that it was a worthwhile day to be at church all the day long. I’m sure some would say my everlasting soul is in dire need of such a thing, since I’m admittedly not so very pious by nature. But as I’m not conducting or singing or working like the rest of the people who attend multiple services, there is also welcome space in the forms of a mass for me to meditate and maybe refresh my strength for a bit.

The benefits of a church marathon yesterday certainly included being among people that took the solemnity and significance of 9-11’s tenth anniversary to heart and really did spend a day of remembrance and service in honor of those lost and those others who have continued to pay the price for ten years. More importantly in my book, I think many of those people with whom I ended up spending the day understand equally that the significance of the date is only validated and saluted properly by finding the most positive ways to move forward and renew all things touched by wounds of the day’s history. So amid the seriousness, there was a great deal of kindness and generosity and joy.

Certainly didn’t hurt for us to have a visit from a truly dear longtime friend who stayed after the second service and took us to lunch!

The other happy peculiarity of being in church all day was the reminder of how much I love the sound of church bells. While they were rung on this occasion for some less-than-ecstatic reasons along with the usual markings of time and ceremony, their very presence in the air, softly change-ringing through the nave and tolling across the neighborhood, was a benison I find particularly sweet. It brings not only consciousness of the best of the words and acts in hand but also of all kinds of good associative thoughts.

The bells do always bring with them reminders for me of their tolling for various loved ones who have died over the years: grandparents and close friends, other relatives, deeply connected neighbors and colleagues and cohorts of many kinds. Though I never cease to mourn the loss of those dearest to me, the bells generally bring up more welcome and cheering memories of them, perhaps because something comforting and pleasing in the sound of a well-tuned bell makes it hard for me to hear it as ominous or depressing.

The most distinct aspect of the beauty of bells’ ringing for me, though, is more strictly secular: all of the memories evoked of places I have loved to be, journeys taken, cities visited, hidden jewels of towns in obscure corners of lyrical countryside singing with the ringing of chime-like carillons and roaring urban canyons clanging with bold abandon. In part this is because of the those very connections made with memories of other loved family and friends, many in this case (happily) still living. I’m suddenly drawn back to a wintry day of walking through falling snow in the sharp cold of Basel with my sister and our cousin as the cathedral bells shout above us, echoing from corner to corner, we three stopping only to buy roasted chestnuts from a street vendor purely to heat our hands in our pockets. Then I’m in the outlandishly plush green hills of Oberstaufen in Bavaria, meandering the summer trails near town with my husband and finding one tiny chapel after another, almost like farmstands in their numbers and miniature simplicity but each exquisite in its own well-loved way, amid a sort of soft chattering of bells as one calls to another–all interwoven with the very different bells tinkling on the necks of “guest cows” equally enjoying the spa town as they roam their summer pastures.

steeple photos + text

Ring for me, sing for me . . .

I think I can fairly say that I caught the gist of the bishop’s thoughtful homily yesterday, the lilt and import of the liturgy and readings and ceremony, after attending three fairly elaborate services. I know that I bathed in the sounds of the choirs and the sonority of the organ very gladly. And soaring over it all, or undergirding it, was the recurring theme of the ringing of the bells. That was a particular grace-note on this very particular day.

Eleven is My Favorite Number

mixed media collage

Sometimes good news comes from truly unexpected sources . . .

Even in languages we think we cannot understand, occasionally–perhaps with the help of images or context or a little theatre-of-mime interaction–we decipher the heart of the matter and make some kind of sense out of what we see and think and hear. Stranger still, sometimes from something terrible a good and beautiful thing can arise.

Modern philosophy and psychology have devoted plenty of study and energy to recognizing and making sense of how ingrained is the human urge to seek and see patterns. The mere fact that it was already bone-deep and age-old in us by the time it became a topic of study and conversation tells us how innate and intrinsic is our desire for the kind of order and continuity and sense found in rhythm, repetition and recurrence. Every kind of pattern offers its own version of meaning, and we like to cling to our own preferred sets of sought and loved markers for comfort.

We start very early with this stuff, showing preferences between different sorts of sensations even as infants–warm over cool, light over dark, sweet over sour, and so forth. We get attached to favorite foods and favorite colors. We develop our tastes and prejudices individually, corporately, culturally.

And we find ways to build elaborate systems of belief around the qualities with which we imbue our likes an dislikes. Not only is blue the boss’s favorite color, it’s THE color, it’s a matter of fact and faith, and people who prefer another color clearly need to be fixed. If the Empress is superstitious that everybody must wear raccoon fur hats on odd-numbered Thursdays, then everybody had better stock up on raccoon fur hats, pronto. (And all of the raccoons in or near the empire might be wise to consider relocating to safer territory.) That’s how dedicated people are to their preferences, my friends. In fact, if a certain sect thinks another certain sect has got hold of wrongheaded enough beliefs, they might just hijack a loaded airplane or two and knock over buildings full of Sect One people and smash them all to oblivion just to make the point of how wrong that bunch are.

Now, I have my favorites and fixations and beliefs, some deep and many shallow as pop-star fame. I like a good Lucky Number Three as much as the next guy, and while I am not the least bit triskaidekaphobic, I might admit to a little pointless fondness for the number Thirteen, if only out of pure cussedness–after all, it’s just the representation of a convenient numerical construct. But with the horrors of a certain 11th day of September so ubiquitous in the hearts, minds and media of the nation at present, I would like to say a word in defense of the wonderfulness of the number 11.

One of the ways I become intrigued by, then somehow attached to, any seemingly random thing is via that process wherein for any reason, at any moment, one becomes aware of having (peripherally or subconsciously) noted a series of recurrences of the object of interest, creating a pattern. In the instance of my seeing elevens repeatedly I can’t even think of how, where or why it caught my attention. But as these things work, once I noticed, I began seeing elevens everywhere for a while. Every time I’d look at a clock, it seemed, it was eleven minutes after some hour. Every meeting somebody required me to attend was either on the eleventh of the month or at 11:00 on some other day. Eleven birds would perch on the billboard across the way, whose white posts against a background of dark trees made a crisp white 11. Clearly once it got on that track, my brain willingly habituated to looking for elevens everywhere, and there was no need for them to have any meaning–their merely being eleven-related was their significance from thenceforward.

But in the way of such things, this made my pattern-seeking soul think that eleven ought to have some significance for me, and so I’d find myself in a reverie, a foggy abstraction in which I was spending any ‘down time’ between purposeful tasks or thoughts on mulling over possible reasons for eleven’s newfound status as a noted number in my life. There was the easy one of my pattern-hungry eye simply finding the clean and upright symmetry of the numeral notation “11” pleasant, soothing and even possibly a nice symbol or metaphor for such appealing characteristics. Of course there are happy temporal associations I could cite: my mother’s birth in the eleventh month of the calendar year; my nephew’s birth on the eleventh day of a far happier September. ‘Elevenses’–well, who can argue with the wisdom of a welcome morning break for sustenance? Not to mention the idea that eleven is even more than, and therefore obviously better than, the ‘standard number of completion’, ten–well, even a not-overly-bright worshiper of guitar amps could see the value in that.

When the dust settled and I’d conceded in my mind that I just had a new “favorite number” for no better reason than why I hold nearly any other thing preferable, I realized that just possibly I was looking harder for reasons to defend and admire eleven precisely because I was bothered by its unfair taintedness of late. That the infamy of the 9-11 attacks took place on the eleventh did not make the number eleven–an inanimate and abstract and essentially minor thing–inherently scary or evil. But if ‘thinking makes it so’, I decided I needed look no further than the damning act itself to see its purest inverse as well, indeed enough goodness to return with one hand what the other was snatching away. Unplumbed human cruelty and violence awoke its shadow twin, an equally unplumbed depth of human generosity and selflessness and healing. From the unwarranted spilling of torrents of blood and poison there also sprang a fountain of communal strength and compassion and they flowed into a sea of determination to be, if only for the moment, much better than we all had been.

For my part, I think I’ll just teach myself that I can count past ten on my fingers if I extend two digits like a skewed pair of twin towers and–far from collapsing–instead they form a V that means both Victory and (better still) Peace.

bottle photo

. . . and now let us drink a toast to the milk of human kindness . . .

Say, Haven’t I Seen You Somewhere Before?

odd bird + penguin photos

Just what is it that makes today's creatures so familiar, so . . .

This just in from the Department of Everything Old is New Again, Déjà vu Division: the life of the general populace continues to be lived in well-worn grooves. We do what we do the way we’ve always done it, because that feels familiar and safe and because being challenged and growing are such hard work. It’s funny, though: sometimes it’s this very tendency that leads us directly–bump!–into contact with surprises and serendipitously good new things.

Take Doing the Chores, for instance. I do essentially the same set of major items nearly every day of the week, weeks on end, years at a time. But cleaning the same countertop as always in the kitchen I come across a new ant trail, and that leads me to call Mr Enemy-of-the-Bug-People, and that leads to the investigation that uncovers the Great Carpenter Ant Conspiracy before it can topple my little empire. I take a walk around the exact same route as usual and see a new kind of plant I’ve never seen before and think I may have discovered a pretty native flowering plant that might be a great addition when I get enough saved up to rehab and xeriscape our yard.

And there’s the whole thing about ‘going live’ (as far as I’ve done so by being a new-fledged blogger). While I’ve gone so far with change as to practice my dark arts of writing and drawing and photography and such in a public forum instead of closeted in an obscure garret amid a hovering handful of tubercular bohemians (a.k.a. other artistes), I am still just practicing the same arts with like tools and with similar ends. And here I am, thanks to the instant-community of the internet, seeing endless other writers and artists at work in the same new “studio complex”, learning a world of marvelous new ideas about subject, medium, technique and style, and most of all, “meeting” these impressive and engaging and artful people. Just by doing the writing and drawing that I’ve always done, only in a new work space, suddenly I have the opportunity to connect with some truly wonderful new friends.

And those friends bring me full circle in their own way, too, because as always, the roots of friendship grow best in common ground. The arts and interests and ideas that we share are the rich place where friendships are sown and nurtured. We all look for those things most familiar to us all, reflections of our own lives and loves, in choosing with whom we’d like to spend our time. No wonder I thought I recognized you!

beetle and fish photos

Interesting, isn't it, how much alike we are while being so incredibly different from each other?

Hail to All Who Labor in Obscurity! . . . and Pay Attention to Your Teachers

acrylic on canvasboard

Lineage and life-stories notwithstanding . . .

While I was working on the art for my master’s thesis exhibition, I reached a sort of critical-mass point and got a bit huffy at all of the people exclaiming that I must be a real fan of Edvard Munch. Granted, my subject matter probably looked similarly dark and dreary to many; I’ve always enjoyed playing around with that black-humor borderland between gritty and witty, where vampires slurp on souls at teatime and skeletons tap-dance a cheery, leering Totentanz of delight long past All Souls’. I’ve always found great amusement and entertainment in the design and crafting of strange monstrous birds and beasts, outlandish costumes, and rickety structures to house the people that exist on the fringes of imagination. Munch’s images and stories derived from a darker real-world observation, probably tinted by his own mental and physical state of health over time, but the outcome was arguably a comparable sort of oeuvre.

Paste onto those superficial connections the knowledge that I am of Norwegian extraction in pretty much every direction if my lineage is traced out of the US, and I suppose no one could be blamed for linking the Nordic-darkness-tinged artist in front of them with the only really famous one that comes readily to mind. I couldn’t complain about being compared to a justifiably well-known and original artist, now could I?

But I did. I didn’t really like Munch’s work, you see. I thought it obsessively gloomy and depressive and I wasn’t particularly crazy about his style. I tried really hard to disassociate myself and my work from this sticky albatross-of-an-ancestor I was being put into artificial family bondage with and get people to think of all the ways in which I differed from him.

Silly. Turns out, though I still credit myself with having a far more uplifting personal history than his was, what with my generally idyllic existence from day one, we do have a lot in common. When I saw the Munch museum in Oslo for the first time, I was beginning to see why folk might make connections beyond simple Norsk blood, from ties between us in some of the fundamental issues of interest topically and right on through to how we might apply our media to paper or canvas, how we both would wrestle through a whole series on the same subject or even remake the same picture in different media and styles over time to see how we could effect a different outcome with each attempt. I started to notice that there were evidences of similar drawing gestures and brush strokes, an impressionistic looseness with paint and pastel, that were more often similar than not.

What did I do? Rebel against it more. Silly. By the time I really started to come to terms with this whole idea of being on a path not so very different from Edvard Munch’s artistically, no matter how unlike in experience and life, it was kind of a fait-accompli, something that everyone else had acknowledged long before I was willing to do so. As I say, I was already winding up my grad school time when I began to come to grips with saying, Yeah, this is all right with me: I do so like green eggs and ham. I mean, just because Munch was Norwegian-rooted and an artist and explored darkish subjects and I could be described by exactly those same terms doesn’t mean I can’t like him or admit to it!

Once I finally leapt that completely unnecessary and self-imagined chasm, it was easy to begin finding common ground in a lot more places, affinities with a lot of different art practitioners, than I had been open-minded enough to see before. Amazing how much more I can learn when I’m not wasting all of my energy on resistance. Which is, after all, Futile (I have it on good authority). The next step, and a very long and winding road of steps at that, is the one of recognizing what can be gained by learning at the feet of the masters and of those whose place in history and the popular mind is perhaps well established, while still being myself one of the multitude who ‘work the middle’–all of us laboring at our art, our craft, learning and honing skills without any particular expectation of fame or longevity or remuneration to follow.

The short answer: everything. Why would I continue to refuse all offers of insight and inspiration and the potential to learn and grow and delight in what my predecessors–living, dead, famous and obscure–can teach me! Yes, I have learned among other things that great resources of such knowledge can be dug up with a bit of persistence on my part, or as in the case of good old Edvard Munch, shoved at me until I quit whining and pay attention. Or, as in the case of Alf Hurum, handed to me on a silver platter.

Hurum remains an obscure Norwegian and unknown to most Americans, indeed to most people outside of a relatively specialized cadre in the art and music worlds with good reason to know of him. But he was, it happens, a fine composer of piano and violin works–and somewhat influenced by, you guessed it, Edvard Munch. His reach was greater than one might guess not only because his compositional work remains both playable and listenable after lo, these many years, but also because, having married a woman from Hawaii and grown interested in her roots, Hurum spent the latter part of his life in Hawaii and there helped to found the Honolulu Symphony, among other things.

My learning of him was quite simple and straightforward: my brother-in-law, a fine pianist teaching at the University of Agder – Music Conservatory in Kristiansand, Norway, arranged for me to have a commission to do a portrait for the school when they were refurbishing their then-concert hall. This led to my studying up a little on several Norwegian musicians over time, including Hurum, and producing a set of portraits from which the administration could choose, and most importantly, to my hearing some really lovely music I’d never have otherwise known. Even better, my brother eventually did a research project that led him to make a marvelous recording of Hurum’s piano music (Eventyrlandhttp://www.rockipedia.no/Vault.aspx?entity=1169501), and now I have the privilege of using that as inspiration whenever I wish to listen to music while making art yet again.

I have no expectation of creating a lasting legacy and occupying any spot as a well-known character like Edvard Munch. I don’t even fantasize about lingering for generations in the ken of a refined and fortunate circle in the way of a lesser-known but also gifted artist like Alf Hurum. But I can surely perpetuate what joys there are in simply making art and learning from those betters who have preceded me in it, from here in my own quiet little corner of existence, and that is glory enough for anyone.

acrylic and colored pencil on paper

Little known, but not unsung . . . influential, but almost secretly so . . .

Devices for Measuring the Passage of Time

A clock can only go so far. Memory is fleeting and mutable. A calendar, a journal, a snapshot–these mnemonic devices all tickle and tease us into a semblance of attentiveness to the passing of the hours and the effects they have on us and our spheres of existence. Only in the arts, perhaps, do we find a deeper and truer conduit to allow us to fully sense our place in time and how we experience it, now and over time. We are immersed in the moment in a more piquant and provocative way, making a more spiritual connection perhaps, with our past, present and future, when we sing and dance, listen and look, paint and write, tell our tales and learn from those that our fellow-travelers tell.

So I return to an old-friend medium (or two), come back to the antiquated techniques that only burnish with age and use. I begin again to write with greater dedication and fervor. I open clean new leaves of a sketchbook to mark up with the passage of this time.

still life in graphite

. . . and the ewer is full again--perhaps with promise . . .

Now that I will be listening in on weekly choir rehearsals again, I have both an artful background to and the time for practicing my ways of recording and interpreting my own passage through time and space. It seemed appropriate to start off this easeful regimen last night, then, with a particularly traditional and foundational study in graphite of texture, shape, value, and so forth, and to mark quite literally where I am after a hiatus of some months from super-regular drawing work.

It feels good to get the creaky hands wrapped around a pencil in this way again. Helps me feel anchored in my place on the continuum I suppose. And I take comfort in doing this little bit to stanch the flow of time unmarked–to make it mine for just this nth of history, then let it go again to sweep toward when I will next choose to prick it into place with this small graphite flagpole that I plant to make it mine.

Comatose, or Something Like It

bank vault photos

Can't get awake, in gear, loosened up . . .

Brain. Stopped. Full stop.

Is the attack caused by any specific catalyst, or is it just general malaise? Does it matter? It’s a common enough ailment, to be sure. Something tells me that the cheery “Heigh-ho song” sung by Disney‘s seven dwarves, who ostensibly adore the work to which they’re trooping off for the day, did not purely coincidentally share its signature phrase with the heigh-ho also traditionally used to signify a yawn.

Aye, there’s the rub. I’m merely revealing my attitude toward anything I might label WORK. With a perpetually growing agenda of chores and deeds of doing, if not derring, always in front of me, perhaps my personal catalyst in this moment is merely the ennui of the congenitally lazy. Dear me, I probably shouldn’t even use the word congenital, since although it only denotes a condition that existed in me from–or before–birth, it should in no way be construed as deriving genetically. Not my parents’ doing, this disease of mine. I come from a sturdy line of hard working people, really I do, captains of industry in carpentry and grocery marketing and education and ministry and homemaking and dental hygiene and nursing and technology and administration and so many other productive and socially significant and uplifting fields. It’s hard to imagine that anyone deriving from that lineage could possibly be born unwilling to move and desirous of nothing more than to be indolently comfortable without any regard to my deserving.

But here we are. The very sight of a tool lying in wait of its use, a To-Do list leering suggestively at me, or the admittedly messy appearance of something that clearly needs to be Fixed can send me into a syncope of delicate avoidance. Come and revive me from my fainting couch if you must, but do so at your peril. Yes, my everlasting soul–at the very least, my reputation as a responsible adult–is at high risk of the eternal red-inked F of effing disapproval. But is it worth what might happen if, say, you rouse me from a pleasant torpor or my clearly much-needed beauty sleep before, oh, noon-ish? Dare you risk it? Even I am terrified of me when I haven’t had my requisite sleep.

But let us return to the problem of how to get anything accomplished at all when the mere thought of effort is anathema to me. The easy answer is to trick me into thinking that the task at hand is fun. The hard part of the equation, of course, is how to make more than a few very rare tasks seem fun, but I am dependent on the cleverness of others for accomplishing that part of the process as often as possible. Shaming me into doing the right thing almost never works; apparently I have a truly limited capacity for self-criticism except in places where it can be reliably unproductive, for example when it depends on elements of my self and behavior that can’t be altered anyway. Keeping my work schedule pared back to the nearly-manageable smallest number and lowest quantity possible is always a wise move on the part of any who are dim enough to have Expectations of me.

All of this is not to say that I don’t like to DO anything, though my list might be more circumscribed than some, nor that I’m a completely curmudgeonly person just to be around. It’s more that my preferred things-to-do are often those considered less useful on a grand scale, less utilitarian, than what the world might rather ask of me. Indeed, I’m quite the happy (if not grossly self-satisfied, depending on whom you ask and when) person and have a very cheery outlook for the most part, especially when I can hit that sweet spot of having, however accidentally or fortuitously, managed to think I was just having a good old time and at the end of it discovered that I got useful or important or even just practical stuff done. That constitutes something close to perfection in a day.

So go ahead. Con me into being my better self and you will have not only my congratulations on your ingenious ways but my thanks, and those of all others benefitting from it, for getting me to get something done in spite of my natural inclination toward repose. Even my sleepy, constipated brain can wrap around a nice concept like that!

acrylic painting on canvas

A good idea can go all pear-shaped, or if you're lucky, instead it bears fruit.

Foodie Tuesday: Bad News/Good News/Bad News

photo

Neither photogenic nor as much tastier than photogenic as it should have been . . .

The true food bloggers and kitchen mavens have it all over me when it comes to fully celebrating food in the manner it deserves. Take my lunch the other day (please!). It seemed like a good idea: cream of roasted cauliflower soup with a spoonful of buttery mushrooms on top. Nice and simple and earthy. Turns out, it was too simple, to the point of being about as bland as a children’s book written by well-intentioned Educators. I ate it, being a pietist of my own sort, but not with any particular enjoyment. I should have had the dedication to re-season the soup, but I wasn’t committed enough at the moment. The sautéed mushrooms, it turned out, only emphasized the soup’s lack of valor. A mild, but still a little irksome, moment of appetite suppression that didn’t match up to my original plan at all. The upside of it was that I was sufficiently fueled to fix up a much better dinner by the time my spouse headed home. If I cook up something disappointing, at least I’d rather it’s not when I’m sharing the food!

The week has been a little like that–mistakes and false starts punctuated and rescued by recoveries and rediscoveries.

There was the pantry light that was less and less frequently willing to be switched off until its pull-chain switch finally just broke entirely. It was good that the light was stuck “on” so that we could still find things in the pantry, but bad in that even with a low-e bulb it still heated up the little room, not very welcome in food storage at all but especially when the ambient temp here has been ridiculously high for so long. The other positive that came out of it was the motivation to replace the old ceramic shadeless utility fixture with an actual glassed light fixture, though I can’t say I enjoyed crouching atop my stepladder and angled over the pantry shelf at about 85 degrees Fahrenheit for even as long as it took to wire in a new little lamp. I’ll admit I do like the slightly more diffused light and appreciate the ability to once again turn it on and off, so I will concede that it was time to do the deed.

Then we started seeing ants, more ants, lots of ants around the kitchen. And we’d just had our quarterly household pest-control visitation in the last couple of weeks. At first I’d thought these were just refugees fleeing the spray-guy’s weaponry, but clearly the activity was beginning to build rather than subside. Great! A family of carpenter ants with resistance to our accustomed defense systems. But when I called the pest-control company this morning they sent “my” guy right on out, no waiting. Now, I like him not only because he’s a nice guy who comes when contacted and because he generally manages our bug problems quickly and thoroughly. This man, however, endeared himself to us immediately on his first visit by hooking us up with the best New York style pizza around this area (in a hole in the wall strip mall joint run by New York expats). You know you’ve found a good contractor when he can recommend first class food of any kind.

Today’s bug-fixing visit was a detailed reinspection and treatment with a new combination of baits and poisons and so forth, and certainly the ants visible during my rescuer’s efforts were not inured to this particular combo, so I am hopeful. The inspection and injection, however, required our moving most of the furniture in the affected rooms and most of the kitchen’s pantry and cupboard contents as well. And of course there were dead and dying ants all over the place. Sorry, I’m just not very zen about sharing my home, particularly my food storage areas, with indoor bugs. There was no doubt that at the end of it I would be facing a major household cleaning. The very good thing about the kitchen semi-demolition, however, was the usual one that when the contents of pantry and cupboards and counters get disturbed it’s amazing how much I discover that I’d put out of sight, out of mind or simply forgotten where it was stashed. Amazing that in less than a year since our move in I have managed to get that absent-minded and inattentive about things, but I suppose that’s not as uncommon as I think it is.

In any case, it was inspiring enough to overhaul the entire kitchen; I couldn’t even resist a foray into the freezer, though I’m reasonably certain that neither ants nor pest-control contractor visited in that particular corner of the room.

photo

And in this corner . . .

In any event, it was nice to rediscover a few food strays here and there that will undoubtedly whet my appetite for various forgotten dishes and treats in the near future. The freezer reminded me that I have a pair of modest lobster tails (thank you, there are some kinds of bugs I love) sealed up in there that will surely make a nice treat soon, perhaps with a little hollandaise, my all-time favorite seafood sauce; but I must tell you that I think no haute chef’s classic version or fussy variation of hollandaise matches the version I love best, the one my mother always made from the old Betty Crocker cookbook that’s purely egg yolks and lemon juice and a ton of butter. Meanwhile, I dug up and re-corralled a bunch of other favorite condiments in the pantry, from sauces to preserved lemons to pickled jalapenos and chipotles en adobo to Asian fried shallots. Sigh. Hidden treasures revealed.

Of course I couldn’t do so much tidying without simultaneously making a mess. When I was installing the light fixture, it was catching my sleeve on something that upset a bottle of vinegar from a shelf, sending the bottle headfirst onto the tile floor where it exploded in a shower of intensely fragrant miniscule glass shards and balsamic spray. Today it was turning around only to hear my favorite measuring pitcher (you know the one, you’ve got one too that’s got exactly the combination of measurements you most often use, in the size and shape of pitcher that’s most perfect to fit your favorite whisk, spatula, spoon or single-recipe-amount of any- and everything) overbalance and fall with a sharp crack on those same beautiful but deadly tiles. Goodbye, sweet kitchen tool.

photo

Not a tragedy in the classical sense, perhaps, but still . . .

I’m glad to say that despite my utter lack of grace and athletic skills I am not generally a complete and horrific klutz either. So I’ll be a tad more vigilant and hope that I’ve gotten my major kitchen hijinks out of my system for a little bit now and get on with fixing and eating. And I am certainly glad that there was the impetus, however unwelcome its various pesky sources may have been, to get ‘down and dirty’ in order to be cleaner and more efficient and well-organized in the kitchen again for a while. There is definitely a kind of contentment for me in just looking at a space that has been newly neatened and unveiled, and I know it will lead to more thoughtful cookery for a little while as well. Next soup will surely be much better!

photo

. . . and don't get me started on the joys of a stack of freshly washed kitchen linens or bar towels!