Foodie Tuesday: Leave No Deliciousness Unloved

almond-crusted grapefruit bars

With a tweak-tweak here and a tweak-tweak there . . .

I rarely make any little edible thing without messing around with the recipe (classic or otherwise). And I married a supertaster. Folks, you know what that means. Endless potential drama–dare I say it, a recipe for disaster?

Happily, it means instead tremendous room for growth and creativity on both our parts. I think after fifteen-plus years of togetherness we’ve managed a lot of dandy discoveries. And you know what? We’ve eaten well along the way.

The gift of massive quantities of papillae–tastebuds, those squiggly little fellas that make the mouth sing with salty, sweet, bitter, sour, and umami joy–makes one vulnerable in all of the good and bad ways possible to the information glut those gluttonous sensory detectors are zapping through one’s system. As an ordinary non-supertasting superhero, I find it hard to imagine surviving the experience of having extra helpings of sensation when eating divinely delicious stuff. When food and drink are superlative, it’s already so intensely exciting that I can be overwhelmed and left speechless and limp and hardly able to conceive of the prospect of time itself re-starting. All else falls into shade.

That this can happen not only over a masterfully executed and presented breast of pheasant with chanterelles served over handmade pappardelle in champagne cream but just as well and deeply felt over a tasty tuna salad sandwich is part of the beauty of experiencing food as more than mere physical sustenance.

That the great and the humble have equal power over gustatory happiness means that all of you out there who are under the supertaster spell are even less immune to whatever punch is packed by lunch. No surprise, then, that kids born with an extraordinary supply of papillae are quick to respond with particular strength of feeling, and very often of will, to what is put on their plates and in their little rosebud mouths. The bitterness in cruciferous vegetables is more potent to such an eater than to others and may taste downright poisonous. Sour cream? I don’t think so, Grandma! Aromatics alone can drive a poor supertaster around the bend.

So I’ve got me a guy that in his youth wouldn’t eat eggs unless prepared exactly to his specifications, very possibly because only under those ideal circumstances were the sulfurous undertones of the seemingly dainty egg tolerably controlled to bypass his micro-detectors. Like his father before him (also, I suspect, a supertaster), he is averse to the presence–nay, immune to the charms–of raw or strong onions or garlic, vinegar, grapefruit juice, buttermilk, a multitude of herbs, and ripened cheeses. But being a naturally hungry boy and an enthusiastic appreciator of good food, he learned many ways in which those things can be tamed and massaged into behaving in a friendlier, more mellow manner.

Thus I have a so-called picky eater on my hands, but one who despite his aversion to a wide range of strong sensory aspects of food still adores many kinds of highly flavored cuisines and a number of dishes one mightn’t expect: a long list of Mexican and Indian foods are high on the favorites list, sushi a longed-for treat, and Thai curries like mother’s milk to him. Since we live surrounded by equally hungry friends and family and a wealth of dangerously fabulous cooks, there’s no doubt we will continue to discover both the boundaries or limits of our respective foodly tolerance and the wonders of what lies on the other side when we manage to navigate our way across and over those edges.

Around here, asking what’s for dinner is nothing short of an invitation to examine one’s entire existential paradigm–that of the moment, at least. Excuse me, please. I think I hear the kitchen calling me.

PS–The bar cookies above are almond-crusted grapefruit bars, made simply by taking a favorite lemon bar recipe and substituting pink grapefruit juice for the lemon and almond “flour” (ground almonds) for the wheat flour. My spouse had no interest in them, of course. But our guests and neighbors and I all found them quite tolerable!

When the Heat is Oppressive, Think Wintry Thoughts

A creature of habit to the point of predictability, I still may be able to surprise folk on the rare occasion simply because I’m also prone to veer off at tangents unexpectedly, spout non-sequiturs and be the mockingbird perpetually distracted by “Oh! Shiny Things!” This post probably fits into both categories, as one of the tangential zippings that might in fact be truly predictable in me is that one where I am tired of harping on the same topic–say, the seemingly interminable hot weather–and so decide to go, at least mentally, as far from it as I can. So today I am thinking chilly thoughts, so as to stave off heat stroke, and given my nature-lady bent, they lead me to what breaks the Winter’s back as well.

yellow photo collage

Warmth, when it is welcome again . . .

Seeking Persephone

Under earth, Persephone

cries out and wills that help should come,

but silent Death with stony clay

fills up her mouth to strike her dumb,

and while the icy silence reigns

and pressing, weights her underground,

only a whispered hope remains,

the faint insistence of the sound

an icicle makes as it melts,

and drop by plangent drop is found

power enough to break the freeze

and wake the sleeping, mordant earth,

wash cold Persephone’s shut eyes

awake, to tantalize rebirth

in pomegranate seed, in soil,

in root and heart held in suspense,

’til all rise up and re-commence

their dance and bloom and so uncoil

the bonds that bounded her in death,

revive Persephone with breath,

’til spring with brilliance flowers the earth.

Run for Your Lives! I Feel an Adventure Coming On

EM & CD's shoes

Pull up your socks and grab your shoes, it's time to get a move on!

Now, I can’t back this up with any particular empirical data, but I think it’s fair to say that I get a hankering to travel, to be in favorite Other places, about as often as a teenaged boy thinks about sex. It’s pretty rare that I’m not mentally meandering in München, Vancouver, Boquete, London, Veszprém, Stockholm, Prague, Chicago, Toronto, Wexford . . . no matter what else I’m ostensibly occupied with doing. It’s not that I never want to be where I am or doing what I’m genuinely supposed to do, it’s just . . . .

I blame my sister. Aren’t eldest siblings supposed to carry the burden of blame for all their successors’ lives, deeds and foolishness anyway? It was she who first infected me with the travel virus when we were in college and her senior year concluded with her in a study-abroad program in London, from whence she had written me innumerable tantalizing letters and tortured me with promises of every kind of impossible delight if I’d only join her for travel after the school year ended. She was so unrelentingly and unreasonably picturesque and dramatic in her enticements that another of our sisters hastened over with two cousins to join her for a couple weeks’ gallivant before I could even gather up passport and toothbrush, as soon as her own school duties were wrapped up for the year. But yes, I too succumbed to big sister’s blandishments and by the first week in September of that year had effectively crammed all of the next semester’s monies, my other puny savings, a couple pair of jeans and several sweaters and a ‘space blanket’ into a big fat backpack and joined her in London almost as soon as our other relatives had returned stateside.

Of course, our parents bear some guilt in my infection too, having permitted me to squander college time and money (on the tacit understanding that I would still graduate on time, however I should manage that–and I did) and dodge my worldly responsibilities for a semester like that. Perhaps it was good parental medical wisdom, knowing that a semester of autodidactic meandering in Europe would likely do more to cure my sophomore blues than hunkering down in the familiar trenches of the university might. Still, letting your kids wander the Continent incontinently–no, not in that way, just somewhat at random and on our varying whims–takes a certain amount of parental fortitude and perhaps a smidgen of cheerful insanity.

Our younger sisters share in the fault for poisoning me against staying safely home: here a sibling younger than me successfully and rather fearlessly went off on just such a jaunt before I even dared. And our youngest sister was already past-master at asking all of the questions we elder three dared not, convincing Mom and Dad of her or our suitability for all manner of things they’d surely have been perfectly within their parental parameters to deny us, and otherwise paved the way for us older girls in numerous ways uncommon among the Baby Sister set. So I guessed I’d damn well better yank up my bootstraps and steel my one non-gelatinous nerve and get on over the pond too. Can’t be shown up by the young’uns.

Of course, as some of the worst offenders when it came to creating the monster of travel-lust that I became, the record must clearly indict all of those unnaturally great and groovy people that greeted, enveloped, adopted, fed, housed, tour-guided, coddled and otherwise ruined for any normal and useful life my sister/travel companion and me. In three and a half months, about thirteen countries, and countless escapades large and small, I gained memories and insights and skills and joys enough to fuel an entire lifetime–and also to infest my soul with burgeoning urges for more.

It’s not that I can’t ever sit still or love where I am or what I’m doing. At times I am the world’s champion homebody and love nothing nearly so dearly as to hole up in a soft blanket in a deep chair safely at home with my constant companion and current fellow-traveler, my spouse. But honey, he’s just as dangerous when it comes to feeding my need to wander and indulge in any road trip, voyage, or other traveling enterprise that might come into view. Once bitten and all of that, yes, but I’m only that much more itchy-footed since he and I ganged up, he having been just as deeply intoxicated as I before we ever joined expeditionary forces. At least it’s mighty handy that not only is he a suitcase-silly hit-the-road guy just as I am but is also a devoted fantasist in the same vein. So whether we’re in our own living room or circling the globe at 30,000 feet, it’s safe to say there won’t be much time when we’re not plotting the next trip and dreaming up what to do in the new town or country we’re about to discover. Real or otherwise. After all, even the most tangible and widely-known places have their mysteries, and that, my dears, is yet another reason I can’t be blamed for this my infirmity.

I won’t see all of the world in my lifetime, am not even sure if that matters, and it’s highly dubious at best that I will change the world. But I sure do love living in the world, and seeing how it changes me. Mostly for the better, I’ll wager. Now, where is that train ticket?

 

Sometimes Tears of Joy, Sometimes Tears of Relief

It rained.

We’ve been waiting for it a rather long time. No shocking records set here: there have indeed been worse droughts in history, not just in the fabled devastation of those parts of the world we in the United States tend to think of ever after as expanses of desert and the lost worlds of the permanently starved and impoverished, but even in the annals of the region here, where there have been longer and more immediately cruel periods of dry-roasting. Endless iterations of “hot enough for ya?” aside, there are certainly serious consequences already being seen and felt from the current drought: the desiccated crops, the herds being thinned or entirely liquidated, and yes, farms and ranches closing. So many aspects of the damage will only be seen and felt over a very long stretch to follow.

Now, it has rained.

agave and colocasia photos

Desert. Dessert.

It hasn’t rained a whole lot. There’s nothing “cured” in a true drought by a couple of sparkling, sprinkly moments of respite. Much remains to be salved and salvaged and, hopefully, soaked–but not too much, I beg you. An excess of water is so clearly as dangerous and terrible as being horrifically parched, and following the remaking of the region into a vast basin of concrete, there’s plenty of danger that whatever rain does come will be unable to find a safe way into its intended locales.

But still, there’s that welcome urge to join the sky in a little cathartic crying when the unwilling skies finally relent and shower a little love on us. I am ever so glad and grateful that our Gaia, our lovely Mother Nature, has seen fit to grant us this kindness and am ever hopeful of still more. Call me a cry-eyed optimist.

text only

Rain, love, hope . . .

draped sculpture

Be ever with us!

What is that Thing Called Night?

Edmonton photo + text

Nocturne the first . . .

There is no season, dram of nature, age of human development or corner of the soul that hasn’t been parsed and versed and calibrated and celebrated in song and art and poem. Nothing new under the sun, so I’m told. But it seems to my rather casual observations that in the imagery devoted to the light and dark hours, night wins hearts and minds and invokes artists’ worship more frequently and passionately than daytime. If true, this may be horribly unfair given that daytime has so many glories and mysteries of its own. Still. I readily admit that I’m a frequent-flyer on the lovely-is-darkness magic carpet too. There’s the romantic edge, sure, but more than that there’s some inexplicable allure that I get sucked into just like everyone else. Yep, I like it. Serious or not, deep or shallow, I’ll keep jumping in. I love the night.

poem

I'm faithful to the night as well . . .

. . . and while I love the day with equal fervor, I can also say that I’m far less inclined to celebrate it in my art, and one of the things I suspect is that it’s partly pure graphic sense. Darkness, lighted with any small source, provides a much more dramatic and lurid instant contrast than most daytime settings do, in the strictly visual sense, and we all tend, on that, to imbue the world of night (or day) with metaphorical and imagined contrasts that reflect the world of the seen.

park pond in moonlight + text

Sing a song of nighttime? Yes, I will again. And again, and again . . .

So I reiterate the old refrain that I, er, always repeat myself. Obsessive? Stuck in a rut? Not so much so that it worries me–my actual concern has more to do with losing interest in finding something new to say about the old, learning how to follow the fruitful tangents that emerge, letting the new supplant the old when it needs to do so. Learning how to let go of the repetitious if it’s sucked dry, or if it’s sucking me dry. But I cannot imagine ever finding so little to love or so little to make new unless night becomes something it isn’t, or stops being the amazing, bizarre, ineffable, haunting, happy, wild-and-woolly things it is.

Good night, my friends, goodnight.

Just This

poem text

Ah, true love never dies . . .

Quietly, Now

Yesterday’s electrical brainstorm calls for a moment of reverent nothingness for recovery.

acorn photo

In a nutshell . . .

When I have had a flood of frenzied and frazzling thoughts, it’s a benison, a grace, to take a deep breath right down to my ankle-bones and think blessed nothingness for a goodly while. Excess must needs be remedied with open space, with quietude, with letting go. Namaste. Sometimes the noise and frantic activity go on for long bouts and the need for respite and renewal borders on desperation. Other times, I’ll get that blast of craziness out of the way fairly quickly but it still leaves me limp and needing repair, and then a simple meditative breather will suffice for regaining equilibrium–until the next hyperactive think-spasm occurs. I’m certainly fortunate not to battle the extremes of high-and-low fought by the bipolar and the super-passionate alike (though not in like manner, of course), being able for the most part to readjust the balance of my world with a mere pause to refocus and salvage my scattered composure.

Happily, it doesn’t generally require a complicated or expensive methodology, this regrouping need of mine. Sometimes, as today, a time spent quietly doing simple household chores begins the winding-down process. Always, a calming glance or touch from my partner does much to further the soothing. Mostly, I’m just learning the gradual bit of wisdom that comes to us all with age, if we’re lucky: let go. Stop pushing, stop racing, deliberately quiet the mind by removing distractions (or myself from them), and let the sweet silence of the senses envelop me.

From that small acorn will my great shading oak tree of stability and peace grow.

If I am What I Eat, I Must REALLY be Something

farmer's market photo

Let the slobbering begin . . .

Since I’m a dedicated eater with fairly catholic tastes, I guess I can reasonably unveil some of my internecine gastronomical brain-waves on what better-equipped food experts now celebrate online as Foodie Tuesday. Prepare yourself, darlings. I’m just gonna hand you a bunch of snapshots of the inside of my skull when food is on my mind. Yeah, basically, always.

foodie ramblings 1

Scared yet? Onward, soldiers.

I often ruminate on menus and recipes–but very seldom in any formal way; the closest I come is pretty much when there’s a dinner gathering ahead and I try to plan just enough to be able to make an actual and sufficiently cogent grocery run. Now, as far as I’m concerned, recipes are made to be broken. Nobody need ask whether I’m a pastry master or baking genius. You want me to weigh and measure what?? Honey, I love ya, but I’m just not very good at adhering to, especially, strict rules. So most of the time I tend to work in more forgiving parts of the kitchen. Good thing I managed to surround myself with forgiving eaters, too. Not that I don’t ever bake, but you can be sure that I’m still monkeying with the contents if I can’t mess with the science.

foodie ramblings 2

Don't say I didn't warn you . . .

Yeah, when I’m not in the midst of the act of eating I tend to be thinking about it. A lot.

foodie ramblings 3

. . . and this is just a tiny sampling . . . an amuse bouche . . .

Once my brain starts going like a salad spinner, it’s too late. I’m concocting dishes and combinations of foods and compiling lists of ways to use a particular ingredient and, oh, all of a sudden I’m snapping out of a reverie with unseemly drool pooling on the front of my shirt and the ghostly scent of beurre noisette drifting dreamily in my nostrils.

foodie ramblings 4

. . . and furthermore . . .

I get these unseemly food urges and imaginings with such frequency that I can only comfort my would-be-gigantic self with the thought that I am far from alone. There are enough foodie blogs in the eater-net to choke a horse, for one thing. Many of them also guilty of making me think of food all the more, pitiless knife-wielding creatures that they are. What I’ve learned thus far is that, while it’s not a genius idea to indulge every one of the dining-related wishes and fantasies I have (nor could I ever afford it), enough of the pleasure relating to food and eating comes from all of the prefatory delights of imagining, plotting and planning for the preparation and consumption of food when the right time comes.

foodie ramblings 5

Sometimes, when I'm lucky, the mere immersion in extravagant imaginings of food and eating will put off my having to indulge them for a moment or two--during which I will not, of course, refrain from further imaginings . . .

. . . and those so often do lead to, oh yeah, eating, then further fabulations, then more eating, and so on and so forth. Yep, a vicious circle, a psycho-cycle. What’s a poor obsessive to do?

foodie ramblings 6

Things can get into seriously crazy territory when I start getting my food freak on . . .

I do understand that other people have survived this particular ailment ever since the concept of food as anything other than straight-up survival existed. So I know I can manage to overcome my most over-the-top urges just enough to not die of from my own excesses. If I really, really work at it. If I stop rhapsodizing inwardly or, okay, just tone it down on occasion. Oh, who am I kidding, not gonna happen.

foodie ramblings 7

Eat, dream, eat, dream, eat, eat, dream . . .

. . . and while I’m being semi-honest about this with you, that’s just while I’m awake. Asleep, I can achieve yet more monstrously grandiose food frolics as well. And why not. One of the sweetest miracles of creation, food. Not having it, or enough of it: hell. Having enough to share, both physically and in spirit (talk, shared secret family recipes, foodie blogs, secret kitchen handshakes, MFK Fisher and Jeffrey Steingarten and Calvin Trillin) is sheer heaven. Even if it makes my stomach growl indelicately just thinking about it. Even if it makes my poor head spin just a bit more.

foodie ramblings 7

Oh, the gears are ticking over now. Internal cafeteria-tumbler on full blast! Run! Save yourselves!

Do you think I’ll ever fully recover from this stuff? No, of course not, and why should I. Going bananas over bananas is not necessarily a bad thing (although with the potential collapse of certain long-hybridized banana crops it might become a rarer thing). I admit to applying my father’s excellent philosophy of Anything Worth Doing is Worth Overdoing with equal abandon not just to other parts of my life but also to any and everything food-related. Sue me. But get the process-server to bring me a fork and a couple of extra serviettes with that, please. And just a pinch of Maldon Sea Salt. Oh, and while you’re over there between the pantry and the fridge . . .

foodie ramblings 8

. . . wouldn't that be even better with a little bit of chocolate ice cream?

Sorry, I was channeling my late Grandpa there, the one who knew that fourteen freshly baked cookies were worth the punishing for the pilfering, who understood that nearly any edible could be improved by more of it or perhaps just by the addition of a modest scoop of butterfat-loaded ice cream, and most of all who reveled in sharing the delights of the table with all the silly grandkids and anyone else interested in squeezing around the table with us. And this, naturellement, just tends to confirm my conviction that my love of food is yet another love that springs from the joy of connectedness. I’m looking for foods that belong with each other on a plate, in hand or in a recipe, and far more than that I’m always on the hunt for the beautiful connectedness between people that springs from sharing life over that same food. For what we are about to receive, I am always truly thankful.

mixed fresh fruits

May life always be as sweet as the best treasures of the table . . .

a ReSounding ValeNtine to eXuBerant advocates

Digital collage of two handmade collages

What are we searching for?

What need have I of inspirations of my own when I’m being diligently hand fed meaningful resources by those around me?

In response to my musing on the Muse, or substitutions for one in absentia (https://kiwsparks.wordpress.com/2011/08/06/titles-without-tales/), XB writes and asks what moved me to begin blogging in the first place. Short answer: XB.

The longer and more precise answer is that those kind souls comprising my Support Group–loved ones, fellow artists and writers, and those standing ready with the occasionally required kick in the hindquarters–made me do it. There are those who will say that that’s a typically long-winded way of saying the Devil Made Me Do It, but I like to think their motives were altruistic, regardless of what anyone thinks of my output. After all, there was the now-famous critique of a gallery installation of mine, and I quote, If I had stuff like that, I’d burn it. Since that came from my very own Gramps, and I knew that he had zero sense of irony but that, well, he loved me, I feel certain that there was no hidden agenda in the remark. Purely observational. In point of fact, my grandfather would have burned the lot of it without a second thought, but luckily for me he didn’t have his hands on the stuff. Turns out, it simply made me consider more seriously my audience, if any. Granny, viewing the photos of the installation from the other side of the table, loved it. Bless her soul.

My grandmother, let’s be honest, would have loved my work if it were the closest thing to excrement produced by anything other than a mammalian digestive system, because she so closely associated it with me, whom she also loved. I think she really did get a kick out of the art installation in question, aesthetically speaking, but it was irrelevant in the context of the moment. What I was beginning to figure out was that there are as many filters, as many reasons for liking or disliking what an artist does, as there are electrons in the known universe. And that’s counting the town of Electron, Washington. I was also starting to understand that I was compelled to Make Stuff (pictures, poems, stories, sculptures) without regard for whether anyone else would care or not, would like it or not. This was a very useful realization, as freeing as that period when I discovered that if I made larger quantities of stuff, it wouldn’t matter as much if the same percentage didn’t turn out the way I wanted, I just had more to recycle.

Meanwhile, ambling back to the main question (all roads do lead to me) the concomitant bit of info seeping into my lizard brain was that it did matter to and please others that I made my art and that I shared it. So far I’ve never forced anyone to look at or read my work, unless you count teachers required to evaluate assigned things. Thus, I’ve become more comfortable with the idea that if something I do catches someone’s interest, they will likely come willingly to gaze and, if I’m especially fortunate, to make it a communal experience by responding to it as some of you have here.

Which all loops conveniently back to why I’m blogging. I’ve long been happy to haul out the artwork or haul visitors to where it is, if invited (or if a blank wall is foolishly left near me when I’m on a tear). But my friends, family, and other supporters are far-flung in the physical world and we all have remarkably scheduled lives. So when some of the same gang began to suggest that I consider sharing via a more “portable” and less time-constrained medium, the internet, it started to seem like a good idea. Further, when I began to notice how much more I enjoyed the compulsion to write and draw and whatnot if I actually practiced in a slightly disciplined way, not to mention that I sometimes even got noticeably better at it, then blogging at last appeared to be a logical outlet. I acquiesced. Here I am, forty-some posts into it and scratching my head in wonder.

In another completely unsurprising development of the sort that makes me slap myself in the forehead with an appropriately gobsmacked expression, I got a quick reminder that my attraction to art-making is inextricably intertwined with the urge for storytelling; that storytelling is one of the most basic and universal forms of communication; and that I meet and come to know yet another round of good and encouraging and inspiring people via this medium of ether-wandering. From my Oz correspondent at ‘the wuc’ (http://thewuc.com/) to my longtime friend and artistic supporter Mark who shoots me responsive emails from Edmonton, AB, to this morning’s surprise blog subscription from a high school address in Kathmandu, Nepal, I gain strength and hope and camaraderie and ideas. And this morning, from XB right here in my neck of the woods, I get the impetus for a whole new day’s blog entry.

So thank you, XB, thank you spouse and parents and siblings, Jimmy Dale and VN and my personal Dragonfly, and Candas, and so on ad infinitum. This blog’s for you.

lilac and apple blossom photos

With continued gratitude . . .

Never fear, though, while I do indeed have a soft squishy marshmallow center, I also blog because it’s a socially acceptable place nowadays to whine, vent my spleen with unseemly rants and generally behave like my crusty curmudgeonly exterior wants to do. Just a little caveat, my dears, lest you forget whilst I’m busy drizzling the much-deserved honey on y’all.

Pontius Pilates, or Why I Only Exercise Out of Guilt

Three guesses, my friends. I’ve tried. Not as sincerely as necessary, apparently, because it never ‘took’. I just haven’t found that magic needful item called genuine motivation, let alone gotten any joy from the thing called athletic pursuit. I’m absolutely unable to come to grips with how people get pleasure from exercise.

Never did.

Yes, I get the payoff part, but it’s only by forcibly dragging my horrendously unwilling carcass through the misery of the activity part that I’ve ever been able to even glimpse the answer to that part of the equation. As it happens, I will admit to always having been that classic playground target, the weenie. I am sufficiently strong and graceful–just–to not topple over in a severely mortifying heap of near-death simply from attempting to stand up from a prone or seated position. Possibly I’d still do the human-origami thing if heavily medicated or, okay, actually nearing death, but gimme a break. What I’m saying is more that I swim in the mainstream of the ever-popular Last Person Chosen for every team. And with good reason, mind you. I never kidded myself that I should be bumped up higher on the roster. Got no skills, no nacherl-born talent, no passion for it all. As the deep right fielder for the Bad News Bears* I would be benched in .006 seconds. In right fielder capacity I at least approach minimal lawn bowling skills, but really, not so much. That would be too much like utility in the athletic performance department. Even considering that mad skills for the bowl-o-rama are somewhat less helpful on the baseball field than a hapless weenie might vainly hope.

I found my moments of being nominally adjacent to modest, passable skill in a couple of Physical Education instances. It was only by gritting my teeth through the years of garden-variety youthful humiliations ranging from the mere catcalls and snide showoff-ness of insecure high-level school hotshots that, as usual, are low-level schoolyard bullies to being demonstrably stinky all on my sweet self’s own. My Moments, unfortunately, were also in areas of athletic endeavor that could be easily construed as marginal and/or distinctly useless in the way of getting one, say, a scholarship or a smidgen of popularity. While I was never hungry for the latter, it could possibly have saved my parents a buck or two if I could’ve latched on to the former before high school matriculation.

Not a lot of recruiters drool after modestly successful junior high football kickers (female), nearly-good dilettante archers, hurdlers and high jumpers that jump only So High, and swimmers whose main skill is subduing strugglers in Life-Saving 101. And of course it would have been pointless, since as I may have previously averred, I simply dislike sports-related stuff of nearly every kind. So I’d have a bit of difficulty maintaining any scholarship anyone was dopey enough to bestow on me, don’tcha know.

I will continue to press myself to overcome my natural aversion to motion and activity. I’m aware that my chances of continued living, let alone healthy and happy living, depend on my acquiescence in that, and lord knows I’d love if I accidentally found something healthful that I liked doing along the way. Anybody hear the Exercise Good Fairy flitting nearby?

photos + text

Only getting frightfully old will exempt me from working toward physical fitness, so maybe I'd best just make peace with decrepitude . . .

* Bad News Bears: a film I will happily admit to never having willingly or knowingly seen even 2 minutes of, but that I know from secondary sources to be an appropriate reference point for my own grotesque ineptitude on the baseball diamond. If you need further confirmation of my level of baseball skill and knowledge, feel free to ask any person that has had any contact lasting longer than the aforementioned 2 minutes with me and I’m quite certain they can vouch for me on it.