At some point, romance is the catalyst of many a fall from grace. The higher the starting point, the more spectacular the tumble can be. Of course, some people on this goofy planet are just constitutionally unable to be graceful, no matter what the circumstances. Me, for example. But being sympathetic doesn’t mean I’ll let anyone else off the hook over it. Good material for silly stories don’t grow on trees, you know.
Infernally Yours
Thou mak’st me hot, O swain of mine, afire with passion, sure,
and art my furnace, blazing beau, so flaming your allure;
What is it getteth in my groove that thou hast, O my heart?
How heat I up, so quickly broiled, as roasting from the start?
Mayhap, thou sneaky Devil, thou hast dropped affection’s bomb
When I misjudged it literal and went to Match.com!
In a Sentimental Mooed
Oh, pretty little heifer cow, I think you’re cute but know not how
Appreciation paid in full to such sweet charm could seem but dull
Poor compensation for my plain bland bullishness; am I a drain
Upon your dewy calf-eyed ways; am I so silly in my craze
For you, adorable and fine, that I’m a fool to wish you mine?
Nay, let us frolic and cavort and caper ’round for joy and sport,
Let us delight in being calves and neither shrink from fun by halves
Nor ever find we’re short of hay in pasture, or get sent away,
Or be penned up, for these things, too, would make a poor calf cry Moo Hoo!
No tragedy besmirch our wooing and leave us sadly this way mooing;
Let us, instead, just take a vow to stay together, bull and cow.
When man’s-man men find womankind
especially spectacular,
it often seems their taste’s opined
as front-ular or back-ular,
and chicks who eye them back with leers
and rudeness too vernacular,
also choose looks, though dudes’ hearts bite
as badly as though Dracula-r.
How can they stand their standards thus
and stoop to stupid gravity
that pulls them down to lower lows
of foolishness, depravity
and such devotion to slick looks
that any cranial cavity‘s
acceptable, as long as ‘hot’
and needs no jot of suavity?
Must we accept only the slinky,
cute, or babe-a-licious?
Such flimsy taste is quite a waste,
and creepingly pernicious
when all the future of mankind
becomes so superstitious
as to attach to looks and limbs
values so shallow? Vicious!
Art-Colored Glasses 