Don’t worry, Dear; take no alarm—
I’m just designed this way!
If my appearance threatens harm,
Don’t suffer such dismay!
You sense I’m glaring hate, perhaps?
Just something in my eye
That irritates me between naps—
Not meant to make you cry!
This whiplash tail so menacing
Waves only out of habit—
It really doesn’t mean a thing,
You silly rabbit—grab it!
Fear not my hiss or venom’s kiss:
They’re breath and smiling, merely—
There is no threat in all of this—
I would embrace you dearly!
Ignore my hard, ignoble sneer—
It’s just coincidental
That my dentition’s pinking shear
Does not appear more gentle!
So snuggle up among my curves
And let me hug you closely
And cuddle you to soothe your nerves—
You have misjudged me grossly!
Tag Archives: fangs
You are So Strange!
I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s hard not to recoil at the unknown. What?! No shoulder gills? How can you use your nose for smelling things if you’re busy using it to breathe at the same time? No horns? Oh, dear, where are your radar sensing structures housed? And my goodness, those awful, blind blue and brown orbs where your eyes should be! How in the world do you manage without proper infrared vision, you poor thing? What’s with having ears awkwardly positioned, so low and flat against the head that they can’t rotate and bend to follow every sound?
I realize that we’re not all made the same, but sometimes it shocks me that anyone so odd looking and freakishly ill-equipped as all you other sad creatures out there can survive at all. I don’t hate you because you’re pitiful, but still I can’t help being sad at your obvious plight. It’s difficult at times not to seem patronizing, disgusted and repulsed that you’re not all as sensibly made and beautiful in your correctness as I am. Please forgive my involuntary condescension. It’s not your fault that you weren’t born or trained to be as nearly perfect as me.
You’re Not Afraid? You *will be*!
The Jitters
Remember the years when we were young
And captive among our babysitters?
Sheer terror would reign with its horrid thrill,
The unspeakable chill we would call the Jitters.
Under the bed or under the house,
A mouse isn’t safe when the Jitters gleam
Reptilian fangs and rhinoceros horns;
O! The scorns we would risk to release a scream!
Anything dark and anywhere doored
Could harbor a horde of Jittery creeps;
They hide under blankets and lurk behind stones:
The wrack in the bones that never sleeps.
Do I hear the wind? Did you hear an owl?
Or was it the howl of the restless dead?
The moan of a sailor just as he drowned?
All around are the sounds of the things we dread.
That flickering light! The curtains a-moving,
And both of them proving that something is near:
We’d writhe in our agonies, plagued by deceptions
And all the perceptions of what we fear.
This, you remember, was life with the Unknown,
And all of the fun known as children was moot
Whenever night fell or a stranger came calling;
Appalling how it never stopped its pursuit.
Now deep in adulthood, responsible, sane,
We scoff at the pain of those gibbers and twitters,
Yet get us alone, in a vulnerable state,
And sooner or late, we succumb to the Jitters.
Endless Falling
A whisper in the gloaming just pre-dawn
A shiver or a prickling on the neck
A flutter of the eyelid, quick, then gone
And hope of any sleep is now a wreck
Above me in the dark are broken dreams
Above my brow an icicle of fear
Above the awful emptiness, the screams
In silent agony are all I hear
And under all this brittle disarray
And under skin and in the bone and soul
And under some enchantment, night and day
I know this wickedness will eat me whole
Against the dangers present in this fright
Against the door of Death I’ll knock tonight
Gleefully Grim & Wilfully Wicked
Here’s hoping the missing good cheer
That should have been prevalent here
Shows up at the door, not another old bore,
Or I’ll have to be leaving, my dear,
For your party is killing my joy
And particularly, to annoy
Me: wasting my time with dull boors is a crime
I’m not quick to forgive, my dear boy.
Coming-Uppance
Relegated to the lowest
Rank of feebleniks and fools,
I can see my betters’ failings
And their breaking of the rules,
But I keep my quiet counsel,
Counting nothing disconcerting,
Never flinch, for I remember:
Blackmail can be quite diverting!
Emptying the Vessel
Under my penitential veil,
Blue-socketed and ashy pale,
I genuflect and toll my faults,
Demurely dance a pious waltz;
I bend and bow and pine and scrape,
Dressed in hair shirts and chains and crape,
And when my guilt’s no longer sore,
I’ll dash right out and sin some more!
Close Shave
The opportunity occurs
So rarely, it is true,
That I can scarce resist the urge
To put my hands on you
With malediction in my heart
A glacier in my veins
A purring curse through smiling fangs
And voltage in my brains
That perks nefarious Nemeses
Like me to work your doom—
But I’d be left too much bereft:
No You to hate? Then, whom?


