Time to Pony Up

“Let’s canter to the car, Auntie!”

I’m going to lay down a seriously sizable wager that few others ever heard that particular construction from a little kid, but that’s just the way my father once famously startled his great-aunt with in suggesting how they might approach their ride home one legendary day many decades ago.digital illustrationSafe to say that Auntie was as bemused and amazed as anyone would be. No idea where he got that particular word ‘canter’, since he was a townie through and through from birth and if he’d ever heard reference to a horse’s gait it must’ve been in a story everybody else had since forgotten. Regardless of the origin of his comically odd suggestion, he was undoubtedly on to something useful. Why slouch or straggle when you can get up your gumption a little and break into a comfortable run?

It’s never a bad idea to try a new approach to life, especially in something as generally promising as intentionally re-energizing oneself and committing to a higher level of focus and commitment. Even better, if the technique chosen can add a little pizzazz and humor to the act. Why wander aimlessly when you can trot cheerfully?

Around the changes of life as time passes, whether changes of season or millennium or merely of day to night and night to day, it’s always a fairly useful thing to consider What Next–more specifically, how to make what’s next more fruitful, interesting, productive, and enjoyable. And often, such changes needn’t be as daunting as we let them be. The tiniest alteration in the way things have always been can have a remarkable and positive ripple effect if we just put a little heart into it. Why amble when you can gallop?

As the end of 2013 approaches I will as always have spent a fair amount of time looking at what has been in the past year and considering what I might like to add or improve as I move into the beginning of 2014. While I might like to spend time communing with a nice horse or two in the year ahead, because after all they are beautiful and intelligent and full of personality, I might be better served by contemplating how I can pick up my own pace and move forward in a comfortably equine manner. It’s a good time to saddle up and do things that challenge and amuse and please me, most of all those that can help me improve myself at the same time. I can talk about it all I want but until I pony up and make the effort, I’ll only dream of what good can come of it all. Why walk when I can canter?

The Center of Attention

When I am making artworks I am the ruler of all I survey. I get to invent my reality and decide how much of it I want to reveal to you, and even (to a certain extent) how I want you to experience this particular reality. I do know that you will bring your own point of view and that my art, this Empress having invented it or not, will tell you a story that exists in its own unique way within your personal context.graphite drawingHowever, like all storytellers visual or otherwise, I still control how much I’m willing to reveal to you of the whole project in the end. Do I give you the ‘whole story’ or choose to share a scene, a snippet, and then let you extrapolate from that to decide what the storyline is in the image, not to mention all of the possible storylines extending beyond the image in every direction? I choose the window; you interpret what you see through it.

In the case of this drawing of a lady with her fat pony, I’d say that a cropped version of the picture gives plenty of information about both characters and their relationship but mercifully deletes some of the evidence of my horribly sloppy parody of equine physiology, something that’s far more painfully exposed in the larger version of the piece. Yes, there I go, showing you my ‘underwear’ again. But don’t you agree that the image is improved, its focus stronger and its flaws somewhat mitigated, by the cropping?

graphite drawingUltimately, of course, I’m still Empress around here. I get to choose whether I’ll show you my process and share my behind-the-scenes action like this, let alone whether an image is finished or not, whether I’m going to use it for a post or not, and whether I’m going to tell a whole large story or a tiny bit of one. It’s good to be the Empress.

Show Me the Pony!

There is a lady who is the Ring-mistress, though she claims to be a “domesticated clown”, in her family’s circus of life, the lovely Belle of the Carnival. While busy juggling the necessities of family life artfully, she is also a graceful philosopher-provocateuse, posing and dilating upon and otherwise exploring questions of interest ranging from the when-why-how of developing creativity to her 4 January post asking whether ‘grass is greener syndrome’ is not still a very common problem among us. I, for one, can raise a hand affirming my vulnerability to that ailment.

It’s not exactly news that I’m always peering over fences and into shop windows with an acquisitive eye. My magpie lust for all things shiny, fabulous, mysterious, arcane or otherwise alluring is hardly a surprise to anyone, and I am certainly not above wishing myself as brainy, as desirable, as clever, as witty or as talented as another person. If not more so, she said sheepishly, for who doesn’t like the idea of being the best at something once in a blue moon? I thrive on the drive for what’s rich and beautiful and compelling.

colored pencil on paper

Mr. Congeniality

That’s when I look in the mirror and see someone who looks like Rasputin, and I mean the after-assassination version, when he’s been poisoned and shot and stabbed and clubbed and drowned and dismembered (!) and whatever else the Keystone Killers ultimately tried to bump him off. (This, because no matter how charismatic he was to some–and he really must’ve been charismatic to have the influence and power he gained, because let’s face it, he wasn’t exactly a Hollywood hottie and I’ve read that his personal hygiene, if any, was apparently ineffectual–there were those, including his assassins obviously, who found him wonderfully repellent.) So there I am, mirror gazing and seeing this unpleasant creature gawping back at me, and I think, Self, you need to switch out those nasty green glasses of envy for something a whole lot more rosy-toned. To which my inner self responds that clearly I am smarter than I look at the moment.

And I know it’s time to haul my inner Pollyanna back out of the cupboard. I need to be so optimistic as to not only see myself as perhaps worthy of a little envy myself but also to be surrounded by stupendous and spectacularly fine people, things and circumstances. Then I remember that I really am ‘all that’. Where others may be looking at life as a massive mound of manure and seeing only the steaming heap, I’m the village Natural who says, Well, if there’s all of this fine compost, why there must be a pony in here somewhere!

colored pencil on paper

Quit horsing around and show me the pony!

So I start digging. And I think, yes, I have got it great and I’m not such a slouch myself. Heck, I would trade lives with me if I were someone else! There might be enough little occurrences of peeling paint or math-phobia or hangnails or totaled cars or intestinal indisposition here and there in my oeuvre to keep me from appearing in any way fiction-perfect, but the sum total of my existence is, was and ever shall be (hope, hope) mighty nice indeed. Here I am, rolling on into my second half century with twenty-eight undaunted original teeth, working body parts basically functioning tolerably well, a decent education under my belt (any indecencies having been added by the recipient), living a comfortable and entertaining life with the Love of it (my life), and having a remarkable quantity of chances to meet fascinating and admirable people, to go astounding places, eat as much hypnotically delectable food as I dare (plus a little extra), wear whatever I jolly well want to wear, and not talk on the phone for whole days if I don’t feel like it.

In fact, my life is so good that I can admit to you that yesterday’s post about fantasizing favorite things in life is essentially all stuff I’ve already had the privilege of experiencing, some of it many times in different ways and combinations. Clearly, I don’t even have to be a terribly imaginative person to invent a fantastic life when I’m simply privileged enough to live it, do I. When you’ve seen a field of blue poppies pierced with late afternoon brilliance, you’ve stood in the hollows of the worn stone steps of Canterbury Cathedral watching history sift down in the dusty lamplight, you’ve eaten the exquisitely dainty Toast Skagen in Vaxholm where the shrimp apparently leapt from the sea directly onto your piece of buttery bread, you’ve crossed the Charles bridge over the Vltava in an evening mist so pearly that the statues seem to hover between inanimation and life–you have no need to go far to summon magical thoughts of all sorts into being. When you’ve carried a squalling baby over your arm singing an old nursery song until the colicky tension finally leaves her body in a sigh and she droops asleep, you’ve built forts in the shadowy midst of the tall Douglas-firs just to picnic there, you’ve ridden a train along the flanks of the Italian Alps and you’ve wandered Viejo San Juan to stand on the sandstone overlook and blink in amazement at the surreal turquoise of the crystalline seas, and you’ve had a sweet young calf nuzzle up against you in a grassy spring pasture, well, miracles must seem almost an everyday phenomenon.

It would be crass, given all of that, to sulk over things not had, places not gone. I’ve admitted to the infrequent twinge, more of a tiny zip of static really, but let’s face it, if I were to mope around coveting and envying I would be as big a heap of steaming whatsis as the aforementioned one that might or might not have contained the proverbial pony. So I will simply say that I am never permanently surfeited, what with being a mere mortal and all, and only consider each fresh miracle dropped into my undeserving but avid gift-receptacle lap as so much additional icing on the cake, another sparkler to add to my coronet of childish cheer and delight.

On which note, I must tell you that yet another unreasonably generous person has granted me the Versatile Blogger Award today. Pamela Zimmer, having been a most deserving recipient herself as the writer of the engaging and inspirational blog Stories of a Mom–ostensibly about being a mother (having devoted herself to this admirable and challenging art in trade for her previous profession as an architect)–sets a high standard for versatility herself. Somehow it seems appropriate that her name means “room” since her blog provides a welcoming place for finding like-minded and thoughtful and spirited companionship and insight, one of those homes-in-the-ether that are such a grand find through blog reading and writing. Many thanks to Pamela for this great kindness, and for reminding me indeed of this other boon I’ve been granted in the last year: finding a whole new world to explore and in which to meet, learn, rejoice, ponder, commiserate and laugh. These are among the riches that anyone viewing my life should well find enviable–though I’d love nothing more than that no one had need to envy me but would rather be equally rich and content.VBA logoI wouldn’t mind having a pony, mind you; however, our back patio mightn’t be the ideal digs for one, especially if that bobcat still lives in the greenbelt backing our property, so I’ll gladly accept in its stead the VBA, which I believe requires less hay and currying and de-worming medication. And I say, Thanks again for Everything!

Raised by Dogs

 

graphite drawing

Who’s looking after whom?

Some people might say I was Raised by Wolves. Insiders say, in a cheerier tone, that I was Raised by Wolds. The strange truth is that, though I have lived my entire life thus far without having “owned” a pet since my late lamented goldfish, I have been nurtured throughout my years by various cats and dogs.

There was that one goldfish, true: Patrick Richard. What, you don’t think that’s the most obvious and logical name for a goldfish evah?? Suffice it to say that the fish was simply named after the school friend who bestowed it on me. I’m pretty sure I must have had a crush on him, the boy I mean, to have named a fish such a thing, but then I was never the most conventional of children. Perhaps the whole goldfish episode was simply precursor to my much later fish-and-pencils phase of artworks. In any event, Patrick Richard had a rather short career as my pet and might be presumed to have expired of overindulgence, since if I recall correctly he grew quite large quite quickly until the day when I came home from school and his ample orange belly was topside-up. I gave him a simple and dignified burial out behind the house that evening, the funeral if any somewhat truncated by my bare foot landing on a slug out there in the dusk, prompting a quick dash back into the house. I don’t think I went back out and erected a monument or anything.

The companion animals that played larger (and generally longer) roles in my life belonged, then, to others. It mayn’t have prevented me from forming attachments, but I suppose I don’t have the same deeply familial link with them that I would have had I taken full responsibility for the animals’ well being.

When I was still in the midst of grade school, it was the semi-rural setting where we lived that provided the most constant access to “pets” of this sort. There were always pastures within a quick walk from home, where I could linger at the fence and feed grass or fallen apples to the horses and cows that would come over for a friendly trade of nuzzling and scratching. Some pastures were particularly close: when we moved back to western Washington from Illinois and I was about twelve, we lived for a while in an old parsonage that sat between the older chapel and a modest and uneven pasture where a shaggy little pony kept company with a handful of grazing cattle. One morning when Dad was getting ready to head over to work, he came into the kitchen and there on the back stoop, gazing in the window curiously, was the enormous bull, who had escaped from next door. Apparently he thought a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal would be preferable to puddle water and a salad of pasture greens.

All of this was good company, and very pastoral indeed.

Cats around there were primarily those accustomed to keeping down the rodent population and reminding the dogs of their place in the hierarchy of the universe. Dogs, those were decidedly the most individualistic and interactive of the beasts around my neighborhood(s) as I grew.

The first dog of importance in my little life was undoubtedly my cousin’s funny little cockapoo Raskal. He was among the first in what would become a designer-dog race, very possibly because his sire and dam had no clue about pedigrees and just did what comes naturally to any self-respecting dog. But since Raskal arrived before anyone had ever heard of the phrase “puppy mill” or worried much about the genetic time-bombs in designer breeds, I think he was designed by Mother Nature strictly to be a truly fun play companion and to think of life as one big exciting adventure after another. When he wasn’t too busy being passed around from one admirer to another for his extreme cuteness and friendliness, he was very willing to work hard at attempting to “dig out” any kid that happened to be trapped in the impenetrable prison of a closed sleeping bag, or to romp off on all sorts of mini-adventures, his body trembling with happiness and his curly blond coat rippling like he was on fire. His was a short tenure on earth: driven by his (aptly named) rambunctious energy, one day he dashed up over a blind hill and right under a car when we kids were once again all on an outing being led with aimless and artless abandon by his lightning-bolt zipping. But in that too-short life he still managed to imprint himself and his boundless good cheer and infinite thirst for play on all of us. He was surely a better teacher and good influence than a whole lot of sober grownups can be!

Another in my pantheon of Great Dogs was the next-door neighbors’ Dutchess (their spelling, not mine–is there a theme of distinctive spellings among my dog friends?). She did indeed have a certain regal aloofness. As a half-coyote mix (again with the pioneering hybrids), she expressed her royalty with either disdainful avoidance or, more likely, with a couple of sharp barks and a good growl or two, when anyone approached the property. I was traditionally rather over-cautious around dogs myself, having been knocked over and winded when small by a not-so-small farm dog that seemed to be considering whether I would be tasty or not when my parents retrieved me. So when I met Dutchess, and for some time thereafter, I took my time about getting very close. But I think she appreciated my deference, because after I babysat at her house (for her young human charges) a time or two she seemed to decide that I was acceptable and even became rather kindly toward me and a little bit protective of me if I happened to come by with anybody else in sight. It wouldn’t by any measure be considered a close and cuddly and playful relationship, but the fact that this rather fierce and solitary little creature treated me as accepted and respected company and even let me stroke her thick coyote fur collar meant a great deal to the person I was at that age, another somewhat solitary soul.

On the other side of our house were the neighbors whose dog Tar was the polar opposite of Dutchess, the local extrovert, the neighborhood captain of entertainment. He was still clearly not a pampered and sheltered purebred, either in looks or personality. I would guess at this great remove of years that he probably had a bit of long-haired German Shepherd in his multifarious lineage. He was really a very beautiful dog, a bit smaller than a typical shepherd and slightly more compact, less lanky. But just the right size for hugging, and covered with a long, thick, gorgeous tar-black coat.

Tar was easy to anthropomorphize. He seemed to have just as much the mischievous and play-hungry attitudes as all of the neighborhood kids had, and an egalitarian willingness to embark on any expedition with any of us, whether with him in the lead or being allowed to trail alongside. He couldn’t resist hunting, and was mostly welcome to do so around there, where at the time the street was only half built-up, still checkered with weedy, tall-grassy empty lots, and dead-ended by a beautiful little woodland of Douglas firs and salal and ferns. Tar didn’t know the difference, of course, between a mole and a small kitten, but he could hardly be faulted for that; so as long as the folk around kept the kitties indoors, we were at the same time kept mercifully molehill-free. Being as inquisitive as any dog, Tar did have a few run-ins, not least of all with the toad he caught that left him running around foaming like a punctured beer can for a short while.

His worst run-in, though, could be said to be with his otherwise kind owners and the annual summer haircut to which they subjected him (known to us as the “lawnmower” haircut) that left him looking like a black sheep clipped by a woefully inebriated shearer. We felt deeply sorry for him; he was painfully aware of being stripped of his accustomed handsomeness and would immediately set to work to deliberately do some forbidden thing right in front of anyone so that they would scold and banish him and he could go hide and nurse his shame in private for a little while. After a short period of growing out the offending haircut, however, he would return to his sanguine equanimity and rejoin the forces of the street’s youthful denizens at play.

Tar was an able guard dog when we were fort-building in the woods, keeping unwanted squirrels and crows at bay. He was a great exercise coach, leading us on loping, leaping bounces through the waist-high grasses in the vacant lots–and also our watcher lest any of us come unexpectedly upon one of those Timmy’s-in-the-well-sized holes dug in them to test water table levels before a build. Pity any of the kids that came along too late in the neighborhood development process to watch Tar pronking his way across a vacant lot with exuberant abandon. He was truly the very picture of living fully in the moment.

I still enjoy the company of a well-behaved and friendly dog so much that if my life weren’t so overfilled with other enjoyable company and activity I would undoubtedly succumb to canine charm and adopt such a companion after all. I am grateful to have a number of friends with sufficiently delightful beastly members of the household–dog, cat and otherwise–to keep me from mourning the vacuum (or more likely, the need to vacuum much more frequently) occasioned by lack of a dog or cat or small wildebeest keeping us company in our house. After all, it’s through others that I’ve always had the pleasure of meeting and being befriended by great animal companions.

Makes me wag my tail with happiness.

graphite drawing

One should have as many Best Friends as possible in life . . .