Pardon My Parsnips!

You and Your Old-World Charm

I sigh, I wrack my soul with darkest sorrows

for yesterday’s delights, not for tomorrow’s;

I’m dancing backwards all the time you’re near

in fear that all my romance only borrows

–or steals, perhaps–from something far too shining

and too refined for wasting on repining,

those salad days we ought to hold so dear

instead of wasting happiness with whining . . .

I will stop whimpering like boobs and babies,

and let go of the wherefore-nots and maybes;

instead I’ll let your elegance and charm

revive me from this case of “retro-rabies”,

reminding me time’s such a grand invention,

a Golden Age not lost to this dimension,

as long as boulevardiers remain,

like you, aptly distracting our attention

with courtly kisses and such furbelows

and petals hung on every breeze that blows,

bringing the romance back into the present:

yes, I can fall in love with all of those . . .

watercolorPardon My Parsnips

Parkinson’s particular

pet pudding’s par-cooked parkin;

his partner’s partial to parfait,

that paragon; yet hearken:

those sub-par parabolic parts

of almonds, partly parted–

not fully sliced, par excellence

make Parkinson hard-hearted,

for those same partial nonpareils

leave his poor partner parched

for parsley tea to the degree

you’d pardon if he marched,

parade-like, past, departed hence

to parsley gardens, fast,

in search of same to quench the flame,

–apparently aghast–

and Parkinson in repartee

imparted their remorse:

“Though sparse, the parcels of our thanks

are thus par for the course.”

Then Parsons, partner to the man,

now almond-paroxysed,

creaks out a tea-tinged parable

of why he’s paralyzed;

and both the partners no parfait

or parkin now partake,

but parsnips parsimonious,

and pears, for safety’s sake.

watercolor/acrylic on canvas

The Train Passing through by Night

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What mysterious music leads me there?

I have been yearning. It’s no one’s fault. Someone casually mentions a city I’ve visited and loved. A food I associate for its first heart-stopping recognition with a particular time and place. Friends not seen in an age plus two more ages, and miss with all my heart. And off I go. Yearning, once again, to reconnect. To plug my lonely, under-appreciated passport back in to the hot socket and rev it up for travel.

Homesick! Happier than a pig in dirt where I am, loving every minute of my today-is-today life, rejoicing in the beautiful and joyful things that make my existence such a pleasure and a fulfillment–but able on top of all that sugar-frosted wonderfulness to still feel deeply homesick for places and people who make my many other homes, both slightly and exceedingly far away. From my longing distance, I throw kisses to all . . .

To our family all around the world–tied to us two by blood, or by music, by hope and serendipity and adventure. I miss you whenever we’re apart. To those magical places called cities, countries, houses, apartments, ships, fields and forests, or convent cells, that have given us shelter and, far beyond that, a sense of home wherever we may be on this big watery hunk of rock: I miss you every day that I can’t be there. To the memories and sweetness that have arisen from so many escapades and accidents and crossings of the way, I relish even those precious sensory connections that I never would or could repeat; you, I miss you too, and my mind roams your way whenever it can.

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Above stairs, below stairs and through a million passages . . .

Beautiful are the passages in life that so stamp us with their marks as to turn up the corners of our mouths in blissful grins on every recollection. That make our eyes blur hazily in that inward stare of endlessness that can take us back at a second’s wishful impulse, taking us back on the vicarious flight to relive a bit of it.

Horrible and wonderful both, these cataclysmic catalysts that make me long, no matter how content, to rise up and run off! A fugitive passage of song, that peculiar light at the end of the hall and behind a certain door; the sound of beech leaves shivering in a breezy rain–suddenly I’m transported to the land of transportation, getting yet again that nearly irresistible urge to hit the road, the air, the sea, the rails. And while I’m not really moved to love the arguably threadbare joys of air travel in these latter days, there is one sound I love above all others that might cause this sort of travel-dreaming reverie and ache in the vicinity of the ventricles, and that is the sound of a train. Rumbling, purring, chattering. Calling out its whistle code to draw me out and wake me as it passes through the sleeping dark on the other side of the ravine to slide its way out of the present night.

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. . . and every episode leads me to the next, and the romantic, mysterious next . . .

Pressing the Reset Button (A Walk in the Park)

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To take a moment to savor serenity . . .

Sometimes I’m taken aback, when I not only have but actually take advantage of a quiet interval, a space for introspection . . . and realize how rarely I do this simple exercise that I ought to do consistently. Stop. Think. Breathe slowly and deeply. Imagine. And let everything else just go. Let it flow away, sink out of sight.

Life in general is not (for most of us) the proverbial Walk in the Park. But is that because it’s how it has to be, or because we let it be so? Will the earth really fall off its axis and life as we know it end because I took an hour to do nothing except regroup silently and maybe take a stroll around the building, around the neighborhood? Of course not. There are moments of life-and-death drama for us all–for some, every single day. But if we let those be all that we have, what do we sacrifice in the exchange? Whom do we allow ourselves to be, and how does that affect all of the people around us whom we profess to treasure so?

I think I know. And in moments like this, when I do allow myself to slow down and take that healing inspiration of a meditative calm, of a purposeful emptying of my busy heart and brain to open up space for something less frantic and a little less fixed–I find beauty. Not because all of the Stuff stops mattering; I’ll return to the buzzing hive soon enough and take up my part in the foolishness once again. Because I find just enough renewal in the smallest pause to sustain me through that next onslaught of outrageousness, the incoming demands and the overwhelming sense of Things That Must Be Done. And then I will try my best to remember from time to time to reboot, to hit Pause again. To purposefully do nothing at all.

If only for a moment.

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I'll allow little spaces for larger beauties to come into view . . .

I’ve Saved Millions on Psychotropics

digital photo-illustration Why do drugs when the brain is so exaggeratedly colorful and nimbly wacky all on its own! I’ve always felt mighty fortunate that there’s such a party under my hat; not a moment of boredom in sight. Interpreting and making actual use of all the magnificent moonbeams and nutty notions, well, that’s another bag of baloney altogether, but at least the ingredients are there for the taking.

digital photo-illustrationRiding bareback on butterflies and curling up under Enkianthus umbrellas, I learn so many things that no one else has known; how to pass along the knowledge then becomes the deeper part of the puzzle. Shall I present my in-head info as it appeared on my mental screen, in all its glory, and let the world in on my secrets, or is it better to release the brilliance in smaller doses, as poems and pictures, as though it were all mere artistry?

digital photo-illustrationThe mind, one could say, reels. Me, I just try to hang on and go along for the ride. Success is varying. Sometimes it might be simpler to go the magic-mushroom route and pretend the stuff that springs from my innermost is someone or something else’s figment. Fewer questions to be answered, one would think. But I rather enjoy the leaping and wriggling that happen both internally and as an external expression of such fruitful foolishness, so perhaps I ought not to entertain such an extreme premise, but rather stick to my stupendous life of lily-lapped loveliness.

digital photo-illustrationSorry, Big Pharm, I’ll remain on the Funny Farm instead, thank you very kindly. Remarkably fewer side effects, if you don’t count the quizzical inspections by many a well-meaning Normal person or the occasional inability to maintain a facade of ordinariness when it should have been particularly useful. The only mind-altering meds I need are supplied to me by equally offbeat thinkers lending me a loving sip of the nectar of their own merry musings. I thank you all, and invite you to share in this best sort of madness any time you like. Welcome to my psychedelia!

digital photo-illustration

Pests: 1; Everyone Else: 0

photo + textIs it a bug or beast that’s plaguing you, or is it all just self-imposed? Does it really matter? Fear, anger and other poisonous emotions are just as toxic as can be, and I know if I give my own worst self power over the rest of me, I’ve no one else to blame. Inner pest, outer pest: under attack I fold, I wither and the result is pretty much the same.

Solution? None that’s perfect. I’m mortal and oh-so-imperfect, and any solution I might try must likewise tend to fall far short of the mark.

Give up? Hardly! The imperfect solution is always far preferable to no attempted solution at all. So me, I’m just going to keep my eyes peeled, my ears and mind open to useable input, and I hope to find that the next surprise is always a happy one. That the next encounter is with a long-lost friend, the next journey is through beautiful countryside that leads to the next great joy of a long and fruitful life. Pests or no pests, trouble or none. Hope and believing because they lead to the sorts of happiness that no amount of dwelling in the dark can ever do.

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Great Things Ahead

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Such wondrous things are all around if only I remember to keep my eyes open . . .

It’s Time

It’s time

to hitch up my skirts

pick up my feet and

run like a madwoman

howling gleefully

shrieking with wildness

through the weedy grass

through the prickly woods

across the stinging rush

of that icy brook

and leap headlong

back into full-fledged life

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Brilliant things await me!

Genuine Shenanigans; Accept No Substitutes

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Freedom to get up to all kinds of nonsense: one of the great perks of being a kept woman . . .

Playtime is such a necessary and fabulous thing! I am undoubtedly one of the most fortunate people on the planet: I get to have the run of my entire silly imagination and the opportunity to document it as much as time and crayons will allow. So off I go, playing like a little kid chock full of Super Sugar Blasters, not knowing in the slightest what will emerge from the madness.

That’s the fun of the whole thing.

Sure, sometimes even the pampered grassfed, free-range artist gets a chance to do a project that requires a certain gravitas. Heck, even gets an itch to do one. But really, what’s the fun of being an artiste if everything I do has to be serious? I think you know me well enough by now to figure out the likelihood of my acquiescing to a creative calling if it were an all-business sort of proposition. Oh, yeah.

Much rather draw dragons. Paint giant insects taking over the world. Sculpt gargoyle faces and build neo-Baroque furniture. Assemble pseudo-robots out of mannequin parts and small appliances (Francine, where are you now?). Design and sew evening gowns out of trash bags and plastic doilies. Sharpen the pencils again and make up stories about, say, a cat that’s figured out how to get the fish out of the aquarium but not gotten so far as to figure out how to get herself back out of the aquarium after making the catch. Kind of like being an artist who has begun to figure out how she prefers making her art but still isn’t clear on what to do with it once it’s made.

Guess I’ll post some drawings again, for a start!

graphite drawing

Every gift comes with a few dilemmas, it's true . . .

Forgive Me If I Make Light of This…

I got such a lovely comment on yesterday’s post from the marvelous Marie of My Little Corner of Rhode Island and it echoes something I’ve felt myself for a very very long time:

“As for me – and you,too, I suspect – I choose to shine…”

Indeed I do, my friend; I like to think I’m working to get better at it all the time. It’s a point of reference, a philosophy I can’t imagine living without. My love of the ‘dark side’ with all of my death-doom-and-destruction black humor and the thrillers and horror stories is only fun and safe to explore because it is undergirded with the belief that life in its natural state is meant to be beautiful, joyful and sweet. Yeah, I’m a big ol’ naive goof that way.

photo + textI put this illustration together quite some time ago–can’t even remember exactly what the occasion happened to be–simply because it really does reflect something that’s quite central to my worldview. In my heart I’m pretty convinced the entire world could be saved if enough people got ‘Pollyanna‘s Disease’ and just opted to believe in kindness and goodness and peace and all of that silly, fluffy stuff, let alone to actually get out there and practice it. Life can truly be dirty, ugly, complicated and terrifying in turns (well, sometimes all at once); why on earth would anyone want to keep focused on those parts if there’s an alternative?

I understand. I’ve had it pretty cushy through the majority of my existence, but I do know what it’s like to be knocked down, to hit bottom, too. So why get all tutti-fruity and dance en pointe through the daffodils like a drunken fairy queen with my assertions of a Happy World? Because I’m no crusader–I’ve no taste for starting an actual worldwide political campaign to End Severe Naughtiness and Rotten Mean-itude despite the charm of thinking it would be even remotely possible. It’s too large a job for a person like me. But I’m here to say that besides really believing in all this mushy stuff I cling to it because the belief itself provides a path to joy.

pastel on paperDoes that make me ridiculous? A lightweight? A fool? Why, yes, thank you, it does. In a way that makes me proud. It seems to me that if I’m marginal, an outsider, there are far worse ways to stand out than by being happy. By working at being happy. What a nice way to be a freak. So pardon me if I excuse myself to continuing with my hippity-hopping through the sunshine with cartoon theme songs on my mind and sequins on my soul. Oh, and you’re welcome to tag along if you don’t mind looking a little silly too.

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Grandpa had a Cabin…

The capacity for joy can be learned, I’ve seen, through dedicated and deliberate effort. I, however, was trained up in it the easy way. It was inculcated by immersion from birth in an atmosphere of kindhearted comfort seasoned with large healthy doses of shameless tomfoolery. It was a pervasive and soul-deep thing as well as an attitudinal election year ’round, but in my clan, was also enhanced by something akin to Happiness Boot Camp, in summertime especially. Because Grandpa had a cabin.

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At the mossy feet of the evergreens . . .

Gramps was a carpenter, a fisherman, and an old-fashioned Norwegian immigrant with great love for simplicity and the outdoors; of course he would build a cabin. Despite a part of him that was a devoted hermit, he had at the same time surprising powers for subjugating that tendency. This started, no doubt, with his surviving those greenhorn immigrant days out east with a great boost of prankish help from his good-naturedly nutty roommates–and from there it escalated to marriage, six kids, and a flurry of grandkids following that, and culminated in this would-be hermitage of his in the woods being co-opted at intervals by invading gangs of laughing, larking relatives.

By the time of the family cabin follies, Gramps and Granny and their tribe had long since moved out to the west coast, settling north of Seattle, an area having comforting commonalities with Grandpa’s home turf in southern Norway. It lent itself neatly to cabin crafting. Gramps built his modest A-frame in the fir, cedar and alder-rich woods along the Skykomish River, establishing in the act a one-building family compound tailor-made for training up growing grandkids in the arts of relaxed rusticity and genuine jollity. Grandpa had a cabin, and there we all got lively lessons in love.

Sometimes the love was more focused on its patience component than a bunch of wriggly kids might accept readily. After all, being in western Washington, time spent at the cabin could easily be bathed in torrents of gloomy rain that held the thrills of outdoor play in abeyance for unpredictable stretches of time. Then all of the adults penned in with us had to teach us various diversions for passing the time of our indoor captivity. The worst test of patience was with the “facilities,” for although the cabin had electricity and running water from early on, those were dedicated first of all to the kitchen, so for some years we all had to use the outhouse when in need. I, for one, dreaded even the traipse through the slug-infested wet grass and the dewy clamminess of a deeply shaded summer morning there, let alone the dark emanations of the dank two-holer.

But inside the cabin, all was snugness and warmth. The wiring gave us both light and baseboard heat, and the beautiful old iron wood stove amplified both with a crackling belly when well fed. We, in turn, were well fed and began our sous chef training under Granny and the moms and aunts, learning to pitch in with anything from goulash to fish head soup or more ordinary summer picnic classics. When the dads and uncles were on duty they taught us the outdoor chef’s arts of grilling burgers and dogs or, when Gramps had led any fishing expeditions, cooking up a handsome meal of cutthroat or salmon on the barbecue. If the rain tried to intervene, why then the grill got pulled under the porch roof overhang or into the carport/boat shed, and the stewing and brewing continued merrily in the kitchen while non-conscripts evaded cooking duties by reading, playing board and card games, drawing, and piling up toys with the youngest cousins, up where the toy stash was kept in the sleeping loft’s side attic. Sometimes it was entertainment enough just to joke around and be silly with the rest of the cousins up there where it was set up like a low bunkhouse, single beds lined up under the peak of the A-frame and covered with old cowboy-decorated sleeping bags and scratchy army blankets. When things got a little too rowdy, the downstairs grownups could always shout us over to the loft railing and give a little warning to back down the decibels a little.

Now, this is only a little of the indoor fun to be had when we weren’t all tucked in for the night and listening to Gramps’s magnificent snores shaking the cabin from foundation to peak. Probably the best of all were those rare nights when he Got In A Mood and entertained the youthful crew with a glimpse of a grandpa they otherwise never knew existed. In everyday life, you see, while he was generally very kind and patient and willing to teach us how to bait a fishhook or mend the roof shingles or row his little rowboat, he also had a little bit of what all children see as inscrutably proper grown-upness and so wasn’t as likely as our parents or even Granny to crawl under the furniture and make ridiculous faces and do other really overtly silly things. Except when he got that rare itch.

Only a few times do I remember Gramps clowning outrageously, so when he did we all took notice and it was a wild party indeed. He might grab a comb from one of the kids and tease his tonsure straight up into a perfect circus performer’s hairdo, laughing like a loon, and then out would come a secret stash of old tin toys that did mechanical tricks. Or a harmonica, a simple squeezebox-style accordion, a fiddle–none of which any of us shrimps had the remotest idea he could even identify, let alone play–and then he’d play a lively folk tune or two. Meanwhile, of course, after all of us kids had pulled our jaws off the floor, we got in on the loopy laughter, sang along with tunes we didn’t know, made Gramps’s and anyone else’s hair into wilder and bigger cartoon hairstyles, and whipped ourselves into hysteria until I’m sure that the nearest neighbors in their fishing cabins were cowering under their beds, certain they were under a Cold War attack.

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He didn’t fiddle around often, but when he did . . .

Those were probably the only nights at Grandpa’s cabin that we didn’t all lie awake ’til all hours whispering and giggling or trying to synchronize sleep between his bellowing snores, because he completely wore us out with laughing. There were many participants, and Granny and all of her children made plenty of contributions to the entertainment, not all that much more genteel than those nights–but after all, it was his place, and at that place some strange and wonderful things occurred that could only have happened there.

I haven’t even begun to tell you of the beauty of that spot and its true out-of-doors pleasures, the way that the air around there always smelled of blackberries since the vines grew more wildly and fiercely than Sleeping Beauty‘s formidable brambly defenses and there were always wet blackberry leaves fluttering all around us, then the sweetness of the lavender-white blossoms, and then the fat, juicy berries bursting with their purple inky wine. I haven’t let you in on the secrets of the surrounding tree-thick roads, the empty lot that Grandpa finally bought and filled with a grand vegetable patch, the abandoned neighboring cabin we cousins “remodeled” in the woods. Or the glorious river, cold as icicles in midsummer, rocky, glittering, and full of secret delights. All of those things and more were part of our learning how to have a joy-filled life, and all because our Grandpa had a cabin.

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Is there any more magical place?

Reaching Backward to Move Forward

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Family mementos and personal memories can be full of torture--or treasure . . .

I’m one of those lucky dogs that has few tragedies notched on my past. Mistakes, oh yeah, I’ve made plenty. I’ll get to that later. But I can understand if you think the general ease and happy-face niceness of the vast majority of my life makes me a poor judge of how to deal with doom and disaster. Mostly, you would be right. But it seems to me that the very cataclysmic contrast of a life spent virtually skipping through copses with a basket full of violets with the few moments of direness is precisely what makes me think extra hard about what to do with such beastly times. The only benefits that I’ve been able to drag out of horrors (real and imagined) are that (a) the stark contrast with the larger part of my life makes me appreciate that happy-go-lucky stuff all the more, and (b) there is always, however hidden in the miasma of awfulness, something to be learned.

Trust me, it’s not the sort of learning I seek or relish. But if I can’t find some useful atom of how to move ahead more meaningfully and joyfully in my existence from what’s happened, then I must either perish from the agony forthwith or I had best figure out how to compartmentalize the bad and leave it wholly behind as an untouchable Pandora’s box of unwanted nastiness. There’s simply no going on if the worst of life is allowed the power to rule the rest of life. You must understand that I am not remotely advocating suicide or even gloomy wallowing here. Wallowing is only useful if you’re a pond-dweller and can appreciate a good spa-like mud bath to soothe the soul. Fellow bloggers and authors and pundits all over have preceded me in saying it, but I will doggedly (being a lucky dog I’m allowed) insist as well that happiness is a choice. So what I’m advocating here is finding the mode by which you are able to imprison the useless or defeating monsters in your own life, learn a better and more gratifying way to operate, and get on with more joyful living.

hand-altered lithograph

Every bit of leftover history holds the key to some new door to adventure . . .

What the over-arching pleasantness of my personal history tells me, especially when I dig deeper into my ancestral, cultural, and human roots, is that all of my predecessors had similar choices to make when it came to living a full and fulfilling life. They often had rockier paths to travel, greater obstacles to overcome, more suffering or illness or sorrows along the way, than I have on the whole, yet many of them are remembered as having been people full of life and light in their own ways. Clearly if it isn’t instantly easy and obvious for a pampered person like me to find the way to the fabled land where one is always (in my celebrated brother-in-law’s phrase) Maximum Happy, then these people chose their paths to contentment and pleasure carefully and willfully–and somehow succeeded. So I’m always on the lookout, when I pore over their stories and artifacts, to find any clues about the native intelligence, serendipitous grabbing of good luck, and clever plotting that took them up, over and through to a more glorious outcome.

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Even the things that seem fixed and eternal are subject to the vagaries of time . . .

The main truth I’ve found consistent through all of this is that, since each moment of triumph or tragedy is utterly unique and each of our individual experiences of it all the more so, learning and making choices and moving forward gets done in small increments. Time, as the piece above is titled to remind me, Changes Everything, and my being willing to move forward with the passage of time, ready or not, depends on my choosing to do so with a personal determination to find whatever wisdom, peace and happiness are possible for me, wherever I happen to find myself in the grand timeline.

Yes, I am smiling just thinking about it. How wonderfully shallow of me, eh? How lucky I am that little things can go so far to please me!