Category Archives: Poetry

Being the Down-Home Sort of Fella that I am

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A Little Antsy Now

If I could do just as I wished and not a nickel more,

I’d not sit still just listening to any tiresome bore,

But I’m in well-bred company (I’m told), so I must stay,

Attempting to pretend it’s deep engrossment I convey—

Meanwhile, my nostril starts to itch and twitch, and I suppose

No one will take much notice if I subtly pick my nose.line drawingBumpkin’s Comfort

I am not wholly ignorant

Of what a fool I am

But if you’d keep me happy

Just give me a slice of ham

A piece of cheese a bit of bread

Some butter, if you will

And I’ll continue happy fool

Slumped up here by the still

Foodie Tuesday: The Peas that Refresh Us

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digital illustration/textThis post may require some appeasement on my part. I do, however, excuse this peas piece by saying that I genuinely love eating good sweet peas. Raw or cooked, cold or hot, plain or in a well prepared recipe, green peas are a treat no matter how they tickle my funny bone. That they have nutritive value is merely a bonus.

photo

Smashed Green Peas make a smashing spread when lightly steamed, mixed with butter, orange zest and juice and a touch of salt and cayenne. Of course if you want them to be truly smashed you can add a dash of orange liqueur, too. If you drink most of the liqueur yourself it is *you* who will be smashed.

If Only They Would Use Their Evil Power for Good!

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digital illustrationWounding Wonders

One needn’t be a Visigoth or Hun

or carrying machete, poison, gun,

or be eight Samurai with flashing swords,

to do the deeds of such marauding hordes–

Supposed lovers, intimates and friends

have other weapons to achieve such ends,

devising and divining fresh new schemes

for making misery on endless themes–

Have irritating nettles, needles, knives

plus-perfect for the ruining of lives–

Imagine if invention, by intent

so much the sweeter, how life would be spent!digital illustration

Worlds Apart

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photoOn Not being Quite Specific Enough

An Athabascan lady and a young Mauritian man

Met on the bus while shuttling to the airport in Japan

And planned a summer get-together in the town of Dent,

But didn’t think of all details—yet still, one day they went

To meet each other in that little place—the town so small

They didn’t guess there would be need for detailed plans at all—

Sadly, the lady was in Minnesota, with no clue

Her friend was off in Cumbria, the Dent of English hue,

Completely unaware as well that continents away

His lady-friend awaited him, unknowing, that same day—

And so they never met again, each sad the other failed

To know how much they’d hoped to meet, and what it had entailed

To reach their distant rendezvous and keep their destined date,

And neither learned there were two towns named Dent until too late.photo

Wag if You Know What I Mean

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photoA Whiff of Happiness

While all you two-legs types are mired

And wallowing in wintry fear,

I see spring’s hints and am inspired

To smell the happiness from here

What gain or merit mankind finds

In only frigid, dormant joy,

When you could wag those sad behinds,

Dance forward, every girl and boy—

Hold on to sorrow if you must,

While I lap up those thrills made dear

By breaking through the frozen dust:

I smell the happiness from here!

Possibly in Your Best Interest

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The Kicking of Buckets, and How It is Done

In case a brown recluse spider should come to call on you and with her magical spells weave for you mystic sleep—

In the event that any sharks should smell your yummy blood and render you a permanent fixture of the deep—

Lest some great venerable tree should fall full upon your pointy head and leave you feeling just a little flat—

Or a once-dormant volcano barf its hot majestic load of smoking lava directly onto the brim of your jaunty hat—

Should any untoward or fearsome thing befall you or a tragedy untimely bump you off, I’d feel so sad and even a little guilty somehow

That in my concern for you and to prevent your facing any such future griefs, I feel it’s best that I help you to kick the bucket Now.pen & ink drawing

Mayday! or, How Telecommuting Saves Lives

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digital image from a photoWhen Face to Face Meeting is Obsolete

The business is dead! It’s technology’s fault–

the lighting, AC and the big central vault

Are scrambled and frozen and jolted and jammed–

the intercom’s buzzing, the plumbing is dammed–

Email is blacked out and the network is fried

and what’s in can’t escape or what’s out, get inside–

Alarms are all ringing but signals are dead–

the boss would’ve canned me and then had my head–

The one thing that saves me (although you may scoff) is

she can’t recollect how to get to the office.digital artwork from a photo

Seasonal Happiness

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photoFarm Land

Few things can match the beauty of

Black soil that’s newly tilled

And redolent of things to come

As soon as March’s chilled

Cold heart has given up his hold

And April’s warmth begun

To set the life-renewing pulse

Of earth under her sun.photo montage

Side Effects Make a Changed Man

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Beastly Discovery

Mild-mannered Monsieur Ste-Hilaire

Went out one night to take the air

And came home newly sharp and snarky

(Full of mischief and malarkey);

I think that maybe in the park, he

Might have met a succulent

Voracious, wild and truculent,

That bit his elbows, left and right,

Infecting him that very night

(As you’d imagine, quite a sight)

With psychedelic thoughts to itch

Him to a highly fevered pitch

Wherein he met another world

And in its vortex, seeing swirled

(The way such rarities are hurled)

Strange creatures in bizarre parade,

He loosed the window, threw the shade

Upon it open just to share

With us the beastly thoughts in there

(Effects of which you’re now aware).digital illustration

Cow Punchlines

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photoI’ve No Beef with Your Cultural Identity

Being a female or male Croatian

Is no more determined by your location

Than eye-color, height or weight, or sex is

By where you were born in the state of Texas—

But I will admit Texan regions do

Determine the skew of your barbecue,

And can also say, since it ain’t no tattle,

That many are mighty fond of cattle.photo