Big Hairy Deal

It’s bad enough to have a monkey on your back, but when it keeps returning, that’s another sort of trouble. I’d call it a Boomerang-utan.Digital illo from a photo: Boomerang-utan

I don’t know how chronically ill people manage to keep their sanity, but I know that many do. I am far too wimpy and impatient and irritable to imagine just how I would do such a thing. Having had something I suspect is like an underlying infection this winter that meant that instead of the typical one-or-none quantity of winter colds I ended up with three or four successively worse ones, ending (I hope!) in the latest one that arose from my strep throat and morphed through a head cold on into intensified allergies that I had not even known I had, I got a teeny, tiny taste of the miniature germ-monster version of chronic disease. Every time I thought I’d knocked the junk out of my system for good, wham! It reemerged.

Unlike more saintly persons’, my reaction was to become just that much more irritable and old-lady-ish and self-absorbed than usual. Yikes. If any good can be said to have arisen from the adventure, it is that I had some quality time to focus (as much as I was able to do any such thing) on some thoughts that have been lurking in my mind quite a bit lately about health, aging, and the health care systems of this country and others as they relate to an ever-growing and ever-aging world population. Far from solving the problems of generations past, we seem to be expanding upon them and adding to them exponentially while not devoting anything like a proportionate quantity of attention to improving our use of limited resources in caring for our selves, let alone for the world community.

It’s nothing to monkey around with, I assure you. But all wise-cracking aside, I will share some few of these thoughts further with you in a near future post or two. Meanwhile, I am virtually swinging from the trees with happiness at having emerged relatively unscathed and, I sincerely hope, freed from the ongoing attentions of any neck-hanging apes of the illness-related kind as I move onward again. May more people the world over have such good fortune.

Does My Big Backside Make My Brain Look Small?

I know, I know. There are those who might suppose that I actually think through my hindmost end. Most of those persons, undoubtedly, have observed my fine work here at the blog. I like to think that I’m a little more versatile than that. Sometimes. I do not take offense at the idea that my thinking is frequently similar to that of personages sometimes known in the vernacular as “ass-hats”—not a reference, mind you, to millinery designed for Equus africanus asinus—my thoughts can be odd at the best of times. But of course, I would consider it indelicate to accuse any donkeys of thinking as weirdly as I do.

What seems objective to one may be objectionable to another, though the object, to both, might be to subvert overt subjectivity.

See that? I did it yet again, didn’t I.

Is there an intersection or interaction between fact and fiction—or is the connection only full of friction? Can’t say.

But goofy or not, my thoughts are here. And so, my silly friends, are You. Now who’s the nutty one, eh?Digital illo: Butt Thinking Makes It So

Wiggle & Giggle

Welcome to another episode of “All Words, No Meaning.”

I just get these strange, tickly tics at times, you know.

And I was just thinking about my wonderful brother-in-law’s wonderful mother, who once upon a time delighted us by asking in her musically lilting Norwegian-tinged English to explain the weird word one of us had used: “What is ‘wiggle’?” It made us all laugh, not least of all dear Mor. The word itself is funny. The ingenuous way she asked it was so irresistibly adorable that it made the word all the more funny, and we fell all over ourselves snickering and writhing with laughter. “Vot iss viggle?” V words are often special anyhow, I think. They are vivid. Vital. Vigorous.

Violently Verbose Vapidity

Voluminous in velveteen and vivid in velour,

That Venus eating Vindaloo, in the vernacular,

Was very villainous, it’s said, vermillion in her faults,

But veiled in verisimilitude, her vices hid in vaults,

Vile vortices of vermin, varmints, vipers, vexing pains,

And vigorously vinegary vapors in her veins,

Yet always, these vituperative and vast, voracious ills

Veered, voicelessly averted, by her villa’s windowsills;

So virtuous seemed all in view from vane to vestibule,

From valance to verandah, I’d avow that, as a rule,

Veracity had lost its vim, a victim to her vibe

Of viscous, vain verbosity in every diatribe,

And via Violet’s vertiginous, vindictive lies,

Her vow of victory o’er all, valid and otherwise,

Would void the verve of every nerve, veritable or vexed,

And vanquish, make it valueless, in this vale and the next.

Her viands—vermicelli and Vidalias and veal

And vegetables with Vegemite were her most voguish meal—

At last revealed her venomously covert, vile inside,

When Vi’s vast vessel of vermouth rendered her vitrified,

Made vitreous her venal guts, visiting visibly

Those virulent and vengeful, vulgar bits, for all to see.

Vast vanity and venom may vouchsafe the dark crevasse,

But even vampires are revealed, converted into glass.Digital illo: Violet & Vermilion

Always Wear Clean Ones in Case of an Accident

Photo: Ghost in the Machine 1Ghost in the [Washing] Machine

While rushing through the underbrush in rustling underwear,

Ermina realized she’d run from Things that Were Not There—

She paused to contemplate with rue what might appear insane—

By when her sense returned in full, They’d captured her again.

The moral of this story, if there is one to be had,

Is: when you feel Things closing in, at least you can be glad,

No matter if They’re real or not, or if you’re caught anon,

At least to be returned to sense with underpants still on.Photo: Ghost in the Machine 2

What the Rain *can’t* Do

We have been fortunate, in north Texas, to get more than the expected doses of rain in the last number of months. It has gone some distance toward ameliorating the statewide drought’s effects on our county and nearby zones. The lakes have risen a little. The trees are breathing an almost audible sigh of relief. The locals swoon over the magical burst of wildflowers every bit as delightedly as the tourists do.

But it’s no perfect cure. A good rain can’t solve all of the world’s ills. The local drought is not isolated or ended but creeping through the nation in an ominous reflection of the receding polar ice caps, drought that is strangely now becoming a pestilence even on the more typically misty and moist California coast and Pacific Northwest. And there are still countries the world over suffering from much longer and deeper droughts.

Rainy weather can, on a smaller scale, also darken the skies of many individuals’ moods, bring soggy sorrow to brows usually brighter with cheer. It can both literally and figuratively dampen the parade of plans made by folk who rely on sunny weather for their sunny spirits and can seemingly call a halt to normalcy in zones like my home region, where a little struggle for water is generally to be expected. Any stretch of overcast and rain longer than 24 hours sends herds of north Texans running around, mooing nervously like it’s the End of Days in the Old West.

Still, rain can’t kill moods and expectations and obliterate optimism without our consent. While I’ve been moody and something of a little black cloud myself lately, being in the proverbial phrase ‘under the weather‘ (in the non-alcoholic version), I was reminded of this submissive and defeatist, even compliant, element when listening to the web-streamed broadcast of the university jazz concert I didn’t feel well, or wakeful, or cheery, enough to attend last night. The vocal and instrumental interlacing of familiar and wonderful jazz tunes lifted my mood more than the start of my medication kicking in had managed to do. They led me to listen to other upbeat music, from further jazz classics to pop, drumline rhythms, and one of those sorts of music that I find is fairly impossible to hear without breaking into a crooked grin: reggae.

It would seem, on reflection, that among those things rain cannot accomplish is keeping a good reggae number from cheering me up, and that is something I will happily and readily forgive the rain for failing to do.

Digital illo: Let It Rain, Mon

Let it rain, Mon.

Pity Me If You Will, but I’ll Admit…

…I’d rather you throw money.

What, you think because I feel lousy I’ve become less crass and ridiculous? Mais, non! When I’m sidelined by big mean germs and have little strength left in my flimsy carcase, never mind my moral center (if any), what is there to keep me occupied and involved in life besides celebrating those last shreds of my identity that haven’t yet slipped fully out of my grasp? And I’m feeling a little extra bumptious tonight because it’s been a long week and I feel kind of worse tonight than I had in the last three days or so. Apparently, behaving myself and finally going to the doctor and getting started on treatment for the colorful mashup of strep, cold, and allergies that converged on me doesn’t make me feel all shiny and new in a couple of mere hours. What?! I don’t get tough customer bonus points for being stubborn, and a sentence reduction for time served, and stuff like that? Or at least a piece of candy from the nurse at the desk?

Yeah, yeah. I have it so much easier than so many, it’s not even funny, and I know it. But it won’t stop my whinging, wringing my hands as much as my handkerchiefs, and singing elegies of self-pity. You knew it wouldn’t. The world is suffering genuine trials and disasters and I just curl up in my little coracle as it drifts and caroms off the craggy banks of the Slough of Despond as though I were a little pinball of perfect sorrow.

But really, there is room in here with me for a couple of bags of soothing cash.

No? Ah, well. See you when I drift back into port. End of transmission. Over and out.Photo: Defying Logic

A Shell of My Former Self—If I’m Lucky

It just occurred to me, perhaps because I’ve been maundering about the mansion lately with more than my usual melancholy, to think upon the old phrase “a shell of her former self,” which of course is always said with a sorrowful shake of the head with a kind of doomy delectation. My maudlin state is only self-indulgent pity that will soon pass, as it’s clearly related to my recent bout of battling some sort of ugly internal germ warfare, and I am surely the patient for whom “im-” was coined as a prefix to the category. Why, I hate mooning around feeling like last week’s boiled cabbage even more than I hate getting up early in the morning or other forms of socially correct forced jollity, and that is definitely, in the vernacular, ‘going some.’

I’m quite willing to admit that my present case of strep throat, Black Plague, or common-head-cold-with-flashy-tendencies is not going to kill me, and that it will likely pass before I take up my unlicensed weapons and go rampaging. (You do not want to know what I might think of doing with a hot glue gun outside of my craft cupboard when I’m feeling cranky!) But this knowledge has in no way impeded my crotchety tendencies and air of martyrdom as I’ve slouched about the homestead.

Yet I will concede that a shell is not always the least of one’s components, so perhaps I can allow a certain latitude in my impatient-patient thinking. Maybe if I determine to think of the possibility that the homely exterior is not only armor for the meat of the matter, in a literal way, but possibly has its own beauties, too, I won’t so easily wallow in feeling hollow. I’m not going to produce any pearls out of my irritation, either of the nacreous kind or of wisdom, but perhaps if I can focus my scratchy, rheumy thoughts a little and work up my own little bit of shine somehow, all this grey-tinged groaning might become less pointless and frustrating after all.

Photo: A Shell of Her Former Self

I’m just feeling a little weak in the mussels at the moment. It’ll soon pass…

Musings

Don’t worry, my friends. When I muse upon anything, it’s not expected to change the world. Nor change my mind. Least of all, change me.

Though I can’t guarantee any of that. Most of the changes, of course, are fairly insignificant since most of my musings are mighty silly. Whether the changes are for the better or worse, given my goofiness, time and my critics will undoubtedly tell.

What’s on my tiny mind today? Tiny thoughts.

Like: If policy-makers are serious when they say we should reduce waste, then why are the bags for collecting rubbish and taking it to be heaped in the landfill mostly touted by manufacturers as being more desirable because they’re nearly indestructible? And as a corollary question, how many policy-makers can fit into one of those indestructo-bags? Oops, I said that out loud, didn’t I. Just one of life’s little conundrums.

Should that be ‘conundra’? Conundrae? I had to look it up and absolutely hooted with joy when I saw the responses to a Guardian (Thank You, British linguistic pugilists! Thank you!) inquiry on the topic. Yet more delightful musings spring forth from the very thought of these brainiacs tussling humorously over the proper plural, whether there is one, and whether anyone ought to give a fig about it.

I also muse on things like: If I always dreaded and hated pressing clothes at laundry time, so much so that I got rid of the requisite appliance many years ago, yet I am now slightly obsessive about folding clothes so that they seem, possibly, neatly pressed…is that ironic? I would be hard pressed to say.

Like: If “Youth is wasted on the young,” why do the people who say so think that by recapturing the privileges and advantages of youth, they would remain mature enough to give the lie to their assertion? I guess they’re too busy being self-congratulatory on having a George Bernard Shaw quotation up their sleeves to consider any other delusions. Unless they’re too busy checking to see whether Shaw was restating (“Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.”) Oscar Wilde—and who wouldn’t? Wilde was the bonniest of mot-smiths.

All I can think in response to it, in fact, is: Why leave it to young people to act like children anyhow? It’s only in my latter years that I have gained a deeper appreciation for my natural talent and efforts combining to keep me so wonderfully immature.

With that, I will say that it’s probably past my bedtime (one of the catalysts for my current state of fuzzy thinking, perhaps, but surely not the only one), and whether that’s because I’m such a child or because I’m such an old lady is kind of irrelevant, isn’t it. Good night, then, and may all of your dreams come true. As long as they’re full of Wilde brilliance.

Photo: Deep Thoughts

Ta-ta, toodle-oo, and a good nighty-night to you all!

 

 

Foodie Tuesday: Yummy Bugs

I am neither an avid gastronomic adventurer of the mad-scientist or TV food show host variety nor a very tough customer when it comes to things creepy, crawly, and wriggly occupying my kitchen, let alone my dinner plate. But since I do love eating a fairly wide variety of foods and I read about them enough to stumble on a few I’m more than willing to try along the way, I find occasion to be reminded that many of the things I do like or love to eat and drink might just be as strange and off-putting to others as their regional special treats or foods, especially those born and developed over generations of poverty, hunger, privation, and desperation can seem to me. Both times and people in them change, and so do our tastes, as a result. If I were to have a time machine, my first inclination might not be to hop in and create world peace, but to dash off to a fortuitous point in history that’d suit my greedy appetites, like perhaps the era when lobster was considered throwaway food to the rich and worthy only of a pauper‘s table.

Because, after all, my Southern countrymen are not wrong in revering a diet full of tasty crayfish, also known as crawfish, crawdads, or among some Southerners, mudbugs. And the latter nomenclature is perfectly apropos: I find crawfish delicious, too, but when I think about it, I’m well aware that crustaceans, some of my very favorite foods, are indeed also arthropods, just like crickets and grasshoppers, I realize that I might be exceedingly silly in my selective squeamishness about eating insects that are popular in many other cultures and cuisines. So much meaning lies in the tiny spaces between name and nation, between  attitudes and recipes and what we’re used to seeing on a plate. Yes, I am very happy I can buy bags of crawfish tails, ready to put into Étouffée or gumbo or perhaps just cleaned and piled on buttered bread with a squeeze of lemon juice and washed down with a cold beer, even though I can look right there in the heap of cooked crawfish and see perfectly clearly that I am about to serve and devour a bag of bugs.

Photo: Crawfish Tails

Calling mudbugs Bugs doesn’t change that they’re highly edible crawfish protein. That little white “smile” in the lower right corner is the thawing tail meat of one such insect of the sea, and a mighty edible one at that.

I’ve told you how obsessed I can be with the very thought of all sorts of magnificent sea treats that have the obvious connection with their land-borne arthropod cousins: classic northeastern lobster rolls, Dungeness crab in virtually any available form, tempura prawns, San Francisco style Cioppino loaded with crustacean charms, Steak Oscar, Vietnamese shrimp rolls. My eyes almost roll back in my head as I swoon the minute I get thinking of such glorious stuff.

None of it has to be especially fancy, either, though I’m still a little iffy about eating the bugs of the aquatic world raw, let alone their turf-tied relatives. Unless and until you convince me you’re a five-star sushi chef or an aboriginal expert in your local insect cuisine, I will still tread lightly around these treats. But a quick roast, simmer, or—often my favorite with the smaller fellows, as it can make even their exoskeletons not just crispy enough to eat but quite delectable as well—deep fry, and suddenly what I was inclined to swat away as a nuisance might have me stalking it with equal vigor. The arthropods themselves don’t often require complicated prep, merely great care in avoiding unintentional eating of the cartilage and other bits that are either too hard to bite or to digest. Steam. Pick apart. Eat.

Photo: Nekkid Prawns

Dry ice certainly adds to the drama, but really, is there much nicer than sweet, sea-fresh, naked prawns?

So I devote more of my attentions to figuring out just which fantastic vehicle I crave for giving full reverence to their tender and fresh attractions, which altar is the one on which I’ll lay their treasure before I eat. Cooked and chilled entirely naked [yes, the seafood, people], with a mere squeeze of lemon or a nip of cocktail sauce to highlight them? Piled high on a grilled cheddar cheese sandwich? Gracing a bracing Louis salad (so wonderfully easy at home)? Or one of the perpetual best and most over-the-top fatteningly satisfying, mac and cheese with name-your-crustacean-favorite?

Last week, the latter was the choice of the day, so that I could serve dinner to a roomful of friends who were all arriving at different times and I could keep the meal mostly warm with all of the comings and goings but it didn’t have to stay sizzling hot. Somehow, macaroni seemed apropos anyhow, for a table with an international crew of diners passing around both dishes and jokes in a variety of languages. I base my macaroni and cheese recipe on the ever-fabulous Amy Sedaris‘s paean to arteriosclerosis, because it’s ridiculously yummy and quite flexible, but also given its flexibility, it’s never exactly her recipe either.

In my house, it means that to my al dente pasta I add equal (large) amounts of Monterey Jack cheese, which I did have on hand; a good sharp cheddar (Tillamook extra sharp white, my go-to choice); a buttery, very mild but also smoked cheese (sometimes smoked Gouda, but smoked fresh mozzarella, this time). Along with the vast quantity of butter and other dairy—mine: 1 part heavy cream, 1 part whole milk yogurt—in the mix, I add several eggs to bind it all a bit better. Then I throw in the seasonings. Amy’s is generally an unseasoned casserole except for salt and pepper; mine has a combination of my perennial favorite, smoked paprika, plus ground mustard, a good grating of fresh nutmeg, and a little cayenne pepper. Once I’ve grated the cheeses, stirred in the eggs, cream, and yogurt and the spices, I spread it all in a big glass casserole dish and sprinkle the top with grated Parmesan cheese and heat it slowly at a low temperature in the oven until the top just begins to brown.

A very handmade dish, since my most effective food processor is a pair of clumsy tools at the ends of my arms. All of that intensive cheese grating, at least, worked off enormous quantities of calories so I wouldn’t have had to worry about the wickedly high number of them in the dish. Of course, mac and cheese is a completely calorie-free entrée, as everybody knows. Just ask any self-respecting insect you happen to find swimming in the residual butter at the edge of your plate. I’d let you test mine for proof if the seven of us hadn’t wiped out the entire quantity in no time flat. Even the bugs couldn’t get there faster.

Photo: Macaronic Bugs

Clockwise from top left: warm mixed crabmeat and crawfish tails, baked macaroni and cheese, smoked Texas sausages cooked in hard cider, green beans, and carrots and celery steamed in white wine and dill.

And Look out for the Piranhas

Digital illo: Mr. Tough Guy

You may call me *Mister* Tough Guy, if Yes, Sir! isn’t satisfactory.

So you’re a big shot, eh! Not everyone is as impressed with your highfalutin pedigree and your cosmopolitan veneer as you might hope.

Small Pond, Small Fry

Some clown came to town from the city

But he didn’t know everything, did he?

The result was so bad

That, alas, the poor lad

Was the first course we had, out of pity.

Digital illo: Uh-oh.

Suddenly I sense there’s another school of thought…